FA+
Shop
You know how ALL furries have psychological problems?
15 years ago
General
After a lot of long thinking and a little bit of poking around, I believe that I may actually have depression and social phobia.
Before you jump my shit about just wanting attention or what-not, I'm not saying definitively that I suffer from either of those, since self-diagnosis is a complete load.
Instead, I've decided to at least attempt to do something about it. There is a local clinic that does research trials on both of these, for free, and they will even be paying me for it. There is just the small catch that I have to experimental drugs.
So, yay for that?
For those of you that are wondering how I came to this conclusion, I'll lay it out as best I can here.
I usually or sometimes feel:
worthless
sad for no reason
as if people are constantly judging me, regardless of what I do
as if there is no point in making an effort to do much of anything
nervous or anxious when I have to leave the house for even simple, routine reasons
as if some of my friends keep contact with me just for the sake of courtesy, because they're too nice to tell me to fuck off
like a burden and disappointment to my family(even though they haven't said anything negative)
as if some of my friends ask me to hang out because there is literally no one else for them to call
like I don't deserve to have some of the positive things I do
like my life is headed nowhere
as if I have to put up a front for the sake of those around me, for fear of being called out as nothing more than a whining, insecure, little bitch
like people do favors for me just for the sake of getting me to shut the fuck up, even though I try not to be annoying about it
that I am unattractive both physically and socially
like I am subpar compared to the average person in general society
Sometimes I sleep 10-12 hours at a time, and others only 4-5, for no particular reason.
I hate being around people that I'm even mildly unfamiliar with.
I've lost interest in several things I used to enjoy - most video games, playing with my dogs, working on cars, gaining higher education, online text-based role-playing, tabletop role-playing, going for walks at night, and probably a few others that aren't coming to mind at the moment.
I can't seem to find something to do that doesn't start quickly feeling like a chore.
I find myself getting short with people over very petty disagreements.
Sometimes I get into moods where I just want to bitch about everything, and there is no justification behind it.
I feel there is no one I can go to that I can speak openly with any more about things like this.
I have pulled away from several of my RL friends, only contacting them when they show signs of being troubled or there is a special event coming up.
I would much rather interact with nearly any given person through a computer or text message than face-to-face or even over the phone.
I've stopped giving a damn about the bills I owe.
Even when people I am familiar with are around, I find myself drinking more and more to "take the edge off," however I very, very rarely drink alone.
I have trouble dealing with parties of people that aren't close friends without drinking.
More and more when I do socially interact, the first response to a given situation is usually something that will push people further away from me, so I have to try harder and harder to be personable.
I used to enjoy physical affection, but now I can't stand the thought of anyone touching me, even just to offer a half-assed hug.
I generally can't talk to people that I don't already know, especially women, without constantly wondering if any little bit of trust I offer will be betrayed in the worst way possible.
I have stopped giving any semblance of care about what I eat or how often I do so.
There is probably more I could list here, but I think this is more than enough for those of you who read this far to get the idea.
Maybe it's just me being a whiny little furfag, or maybe there is something wrong. I'm not entirely sure, I can only suspect until I'm told otherwise by a licensed professional that has taken the time to diagnose me.
Just figured I would share that with you guys, in case anyone has or starts noticing erratic activity from me in the future.
Before you jump my shit about just wanting attention or what-not, I'm not saying definitively that I suffer from either of those, since self-diagnosis is a complete load.
Instead, I've decided to at least attempt to do something about it. There is a local clinic that does research trials on both of these, for free, and they will even be paying me for it. There is just the small catch that I have to experimental drugs.
So, yay for that?
For those of you that are wondering how I came to this conclusion, I'll lay it out as best I can here.
I usually or sometimes feel:
worthless
sad for no reason
as if people are constantly judging me, regardless of what I do
as if there is no point in making an effort to do much of anything
nervous or anxious when I have to leave the house for even simple, routine reasons
as if some of my friends keep contact with me just for the sake of courtesy, because they're too nice to tell me to fuck off
like a burden and disappointment to my family(even though they haven't said anything negative)
as if some of my friends ask me to hang out because there is literally no one else for them to call
like I don't deserve to have some of the positive things I do
like my life is headed nowhere
as if I have to put up a front for the sake of those around me, for fear of being called out as nothing more than a whining, insecure, little bitch
like people do favors for me just for the sake of getting me to shut the fuck up, even though I try not to be annoying about it
that I am unattractive both physically and socially
like I am subpar compared to the average person in general society
Sometimes I sleep 10-12 hours at a time, and others only 4-5, for no particular reason.
I hate being around people that I'm even mildly unfamiliar with.
I've lost interest in several things I used to enjoy - most video games, playing with my dogs, working on cars, gaining higher education, online text-based role-playing, tabletop role-playing, going for walks at night, and probably a few others that aren't coming to mind at the moment.
I can't seem to find something to do that doesn't start quickly feeling like a chore.
I find myself getting short with people over very petty disagreements.
Sometimes I get into moods where I just want to bitch about everything, and there is no justification behind it.
I feel there is no one I can go to that I can speak openly with any more about things like this.
I have pulled away from several of my RL friends, only contacting them when they show signs of being troubled or there is a special event coming up.
I would much rather interact with nearly any given person through a computer or text message than face-to-face or even over the phone.
I've stopped giving a damn about the bills I owe.
Even when people I am familiar with are around, I find myself drinking more and more to "take the edge off," however I very, very rarely drink alone.
I have trouble dealing with parties of people that aren't close friends without drinking.
More and more when I do socially interact, the first response to a given situation is usually something that will push people further away from me, so I have to try harder and harder to be personable.
I used to enjoy physical affection, but now I can't stand the thought of anyone touching me, even just to offer a half-assed hug.
I generally can't talk to people that I don't already know, especially women, without constantly wondering if any little bit of trust I offer will be betrayed in the worst way possible.
I have stopped giving any semblance of care about what I eat or how often I do so.
There is probably more I could list here, but I think this is more than enough for those of you who read this far to get the idea.
Maybe it's just me being a whiny little furfag, or maybe there is something wrong. I'm not entirely sure, I can only suspect until I'm told otherwise by a licensed professional that has taken the time to diagnose me.
Just figured I would share that with you guys, in case anyone has or starts noticing erratic activity from me in the future.
I know exactly how you feel, man.
Whiney is when you post 3 journals like this (actally, no - this isn't whiney at all. But you can probably catch my drift) a week - sharing stuff and letting people know what's going on in your life is when you post something out of the blue (LIKE THIS!)
Also, about all the things that you're assuming people think about you - don't you think that someone would have let something slip by now if any of it were true? Just saying...
I meant that it doesn't sound like you're whining - AT ALL
it sounds like you have a problem, you've found a solution that you're going to check out and you're keeping us posted
IDK about you but that really doesn't seem whiney to me!
I self diagnosed my own depression. I had a lot of what was described earlier. It's good that you're getting help. One thing I would say though is "STOP DRINKING" people with depression with self medicate with alcohol because it offers that temporary high that "takes the edge off" but it is a depressant.
I don't know how much you drink now but that was a big red flag and if you can just do you best not to drink for a bit. Don't let your brain connect it with feeling good.
As far as the drinking goes, I've never really associated it with anything bad since I've always done so in moderation; one thing that kind of threw a flag for me though was that I'm currently involved in a tabletop RPG with some friends, and I've found myself heading for the bottle every time they come over just so I can enjoy the game, and at one point they actually said something about it. It is almost non-existant that I drink alone, usually it is the once per week when the game happens or when there is a party to be had. Any more, it's more to gain the effects of the lowered inhibitions that alcohol offers, just so I can get through the awkwardness and anxiety that the general social situation of being around more than two or three people at a time places on me.
Thanks for your support, Fay.