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My father is dying...
18 years ago
Today was my third day at the waffle house as a cook. Things were going ok...Wasn't too tired, orders were going ok, business wasn't too busy, coworkers weren't killing eachother. Then... it happened... My mother (who still lives in west virginia) called me on my cell phone to tell me that my father is dying.
I don't know my father that well. He was (maybe still is) a drug addict (real drugs, not that weak stuff), a drunk, and several other things that I don't care to say. My mother left him when I was a wee baby back in the 80's, and fell out of contact with him upon the death of my younger brother. He lives in Florida, last I heard.
Back in 2000, when I first moved to Iowa, he tried to get in contact with us once again (us meaning my older brother and I.) My brother wan't nothing to do with the man, as he feels he isn't even worth the trouble to dance on his grave. I do things a bit differently. In the year 2000, when he started finding us via phone, I decided to go down to see him that summer. In my eyes, I cannot judge people based on what others say about them, so I had to find out for myself. He seemed liek a broken man who was still trying to turn his life around.
Back to the present... My mother called me today to tell me that my Father had contracted the full Aids virus, as well as contracted emphasema. If I recall anything about Aids, it allowed any infection to be potentially dangerous. Who really knows how much time he has to live, really. She gave me his number and I am wrestling around with whether I want to talk to him or not. Since I now live in Georgia, he is easily within a visit range.
I feel I must do a little soul searching before I call him, because really... this is quite a bit to take in. It's not every day you find out your father is dying. I honestly cannot decipher how I feel, as the emotions ranging through me are unfamiliar. I don't know if it will make me depressed, relieved, or even if it doesn't phase me at all. This is the soul searching I must do before I can face him not just as his son, but as a man.
Forgive my internal drama... It helps to write things like this down...
I don't know my father that well. He was (maybe still is) a drug addict (real drugs, not that weak stuff), a drunk, and several other things that I don't care to say. My mother left him when I was a wee baby back in the 80's, and fell out of contact with him upon the death of my younger brother. He lives in Florida, last I heard.
Back in 2000, when I first moved to Iowa, he tried to get in contact with us once again (us meaning my older brother and I.) My brother wan't nothing to do with the man, as he feels he isn't even worth the trouble to dance on his grave. I do things a bit differently. In the year 2000, when he started finding us via phone, I decided to go down to see him that summer. In my eyes, I cannot judge people based on what others say about them, so I had to find out for myself. He seemed liek a broken man who was still trying to turn his life around.
Back to the present... My mother called me today to tell me that my Father had contracted the full Aids virus, as well as contracted emphasema. If I recall anything about Aids, it allowed any infection to be potentially dangerous. Who really knows how much time he has to live, really. She gave me his number and I am wrestling around with whether I want to talk to him or not. Since I now live in Georgia, he is easily within a visit range.
I feel I must do a little soul searching before I call him, because really... this is quite a bit to take in. It's not every day you find out your father is dying. I honestly cannot decipher how I feel, as the emotions ranging through me are unfamiliar. I don't know if it will make me depressed, relieved, or even if it doesn't phase me at all. This is the soul searching I must do before I can face him not just as his son, but as a man.
Forgive my internal drama... It helps to write things like this down...
Your Dad from what I read here doesn't seem like the kinda guy who'd go to the Goverment for aid, however, There's a lot of free programs that reduce the cost of these pills to about us$30/month.
THe downside is that he can never, ever miss a dose once. Missing a dose renders the treatment ineffective for a week, making you vaulnerable agean.
It's not a neat thing, but AIDS is no longer a DEATH SENTANCE, but it is still a very, very heavy burden to bare.
I hope this knowladge helps you abit.
If you do not say your peace with your father, you may regret it for the rest of your life.
Even if speaking to him is unplesent and may make you feel down for a bit, If you miss the chance, That will be a weight on your spirit you might never unload.
I missed the chance with my dad..
My mother died of lung cancer last year. We wouldn't have used these exact words, but we knew it was not really curable or treatable by any definition.
Malroth, I wish you good luck having some talk with your father. I didn't, and I wish I had.
If you have any skeletons to get out of the closet, now would be the best to do it.
My grandfather died recently of Leukemia and it was a horribly long drawn out ordeal, i can only hope that others won't have to do the same.
The thing about family love... even when people don't like each other, they still love each other even though they don't admit it. the sentiment is succinctly put "i love you, but that doesn't mean i like you.." it's usually in the extraordinary situations that the real feelings come out.