Adding a general warning here. I'm half asleep, but not tired and got alot swimming around in my head at the moment. For the most part, this is gonna be a giant mental vomit just to drop it all out on a table somewhere. Feel absolutely free to skip/ignore this journal as I'll probably remove it at some point after "waking up" later today.

Life, in general, seems to suck more and more as of late. The economy is still in the shitter and keeps dunking it's head underwater while flushing. Doesn't help things either when most people doing the hiring are either complete arseholes about who they want to hire or trying to keep some supposed "minority" quota in an area where the true minority is those considered to be the "majority". Seriously, how the hell can anyone DARE to put a help wanted ad up and then, when surrounded by people who really-really need a job, say "Sorry, we're looking for someone with 'x' + years of experience" or "We don't have a position for you at the moment due to your inability to speak 'insert language here'. Recently though, that is ALL I've been getting, even by those who did ask for an interview. And before anyone who actually might read this says "you haven't tried applying at 'x'", trust me when I say I have already. Here's a short list of the most recent rejections I haven't cleaned out of my email inbox yet. Kmart, Barnes and Noble, Home Depot, Publix, Sedano's, Burger King, McDonalds, Wendys, Game Stop, Regal Cinemas, White Castle, Toys R Us, 5 Guys, Babies R Us, Pearls, Michaels, Sears, JCPennys, Macy's, Nordstum, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Checkers, AMC Movie Theatre, Target, Miami Dade County Library System, and Staples. Every single one of those places were/are still hiring and that is just a FRACTION of the ever increasing amount I've been putting in all over the fucking place. The only one that was direct about their reason was Kmart and instead of giving me the ever typical tyrade of pre-generated emails that go "We're sorry 'insert name here',... but at the current time we have no open positions for you. We shall keep your application on hand for 'insert BOGUS amnt of time here' and get back to you if there are any openings." they had the balls to tell me flat out why they wouldn't hire me. The reason? I can't speak a lick of spanish. Go figure. I even applied for the one that was way the hell out of the way from my regular routes in one of the EXCESSIVELY few areas that speak mostly english only and I still get turned away. What the hell do I have to do to get some kind of job? Make a deal with satan? Become a prostitute? Sell my soul for 50 cents a week? I see all these places going up all the time with "Help Wanted" in the windows and yet they don't have even a toilet plunger job that they could stick me with? I'm nearing the point of giving up on trying to get a job anywhere down south of Orlando, let alone in the state of Florida.

It isn't just the job market either that is annoying. Between July 10th of 09 and now I've probably put in a good 30,000 if not more applications at various places, not just for part time, but for full, seasonal, and, when applicable, for temp jobs and volunteer work as well. All of it, and I mean ALL OF IT, has been rejected. I've gone to about 30 interviews and that's as far as any applications go. I've even tried doing personal freelance work and commissions and those have all failed about as spectacularly. Got a bit of work at the start, back when I was over at Miami Dade College, but even that was limited. What is it that makes getting a job soo damn elusive? Why is it that these places are almost always hiring, but never have a spot for someone who has kept an active and updated application stream going to them for the past 2 years? What is it?

From what I've gathered, due to friends, acquaintances, and others who have been around me, I'm fairly likable, keep a pleasant demeanor, and am typically a hard worker. Isn't that what most of these places are looking for? If it's grades, I'm not sure how much better I can make a GPA of 3.2-3.3 without starting from a clean slate. If it's appearance, I've really got no clue what they are looking for then. At a Subway mini-interview, I was overlooked for someone who a) wasn't clean shaven b) had a ripe stench about him that seems to just permeate the area and c) right before the mini-interview, I saw him stick his hand straight into his pants, pull out a slightly encrusted hand, then tried to quickly wipe off some of the rather foul crust against his pant leg before shaking the managers hand. I went by that subway 2 weeks later to see if anything was going on application wise and found the same guy working behind the counter. I've kept all subway applications to that store online only since.

Job woes aside, since I literally can't wrap my mind around why getting a job is being such a pain. There is more on my mind that has been troubling. Schoolwork, while some has been enjoyable this quarter, the greater majority, INcluding parts that should have been enjoyable, have been nothing more then a complete and utter pain in my arse. It doesn't help either that for the first time through out my whole time over there that I'm actually severely behind where I should be at in at least 1 class. No matter what I do to try to catch up, I always come out late and worse for the wear. There is almost no avoiding it now since the grand to do list for the class seems to be DOUBLING weekly now. The worst part about it though is that, aside from one small section that concerns Zbrush, the majority of it has me doing stuff that I'll rarely be doing after the class. Even the teacher has said that the class should be converted into a zbrush only class, yet, due to re-accreditation that will be going on with the college, the school itself can't do any major class overhauls unless it's been unanimously decided by the brainless academics board of directors who can make a change on a whim and make choices based on what they feel in their "years" of experience is worth keeping or removing from a program. Aside from cg for movies, WHICH, mind you are typically done completely in NURBS and NOT POLYGONS, when the hell will I have to worry about a high poly model? Expecially since I'm trying to gear all my talents that I'm gaining from there toward game design/creation? High poly models + game engines typically = computer/console crying and death.

I just don't know... The other issue thats been floating around in my head concerns a game that I've been turning to more and more recently as a way to relax, but has also decided to act up. Minecraft. For those who may not know, which I'm willing to bet is almost anyone\everyone who watches this account or happens to view this journal, I am one of the 2 owners and host for D3| Themed Build Server. For the past year+ of hosting, it's been a fun ride. I've met and made a ton of friends on there and have enjoyed a fairly happy, quiet, and drama-free server. I would also like to take this moment and personally thank Dadido3 and Ylt as well for granting me the chance to host a creative server with what may be one of the best creative mode server software programs out there and helping me with it. However, as of late, mostly due to the site being down, I can't play in my own server. And when I can play, I somehow get pulled into the middle of 30 different conversations, most of which seem to crop up at the same time. That time would also happen to fall in the middle of a griefer-storm affecting our guest box and generally tearing up the box and, as of late, bits of the rest of the map as well. We've almost always had adequate staffing for the server, so most of this wouldn't fall to one or two people, but since "Beta" has been released and a hacker hit us around november-december this past year, we're down to 2-4 ops (usually around 16-18) 1 admin (usually around 6-8), 1 Chief Admin, and a very jumpy Director who has been deranking, reranking, and kicking players over very random or minor reasons. I've told him to cut back and look at things through a few times now before jumping to a conclusion, yet a day or two later, he's back to his old methods.

It also doesn't help things when the other main owner goes WAY too far overboard with his jokes at times and starts griefing the map or tearing up the public build maps with his bot after we've EXPLICITLY told him to try to keep that kind of stuff to the map fun or on a temp map. As it stands, our current fg map has a hole network that seems to be growing after each time he signs online. It's a miracle that he hasn't destroyed more then one build so far due to his shenanigans. Then there is the new complaints and drama going on about a "hentai" sprite that has been created in a map called sprites. Personally, I see no issue with it and actually think it's a well executed bit of sprite work, but others have started nagging at me more and more recently to clear it from the map. As it stands, I've covered the bits and that seems to help quiet some, but it also enraged others. It seems like no matter what I do in there, it's never enough to keep the peace lately. I've seriously considered pulling the plug a few times now. Building can't be enjoyable when you can't build and have to deal with a seemingly ever expanding shitton of whiney pricks who can't understand things.

I'm just at a complete loss at the moment. There is more cycling through my head, but that there is the majority of it. Just getting all that out does seem to have helped the tension I was feeling, at least somewhat. I've got some complaints about flash and after effects too, but they are mostly just gripes about files being eaten when saved, and that is just something normal that I've had to deal with. Doesn't help when the file corruptions have been happening more often as of late, but still not enough to be truly pissed off about.

If you've made it all the way down here, congrats. Hope that potential baww fest I think I just wrote didn't bore ya to sleep, unless of course you were reading it to get sleepy. As for me, I'm going to mention that the iron artist thing is still open as well as commissions. Here are links to both.

Iron Artist thing: http://rasiel-draconis.deviantart.c.....rnal/32545826/
Commissions: http://rasiel-draconis.deviantart.c.....rnal/22403794/