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14 years ago
General
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.
Could be because I made my own fursuit head. I dunno.
It's 1:30am. I'm sick and I can't sleep. For some reason, all I can think about is what I've been doing in the fandom. Which is nothing.
I tried to come back under a false name with a false fursona that doesn't represent even the smallest part of me. I was afraid of being chased out like I was before for making some mistakes. Then I realized that I wasn't the only person who fucked up in the end. Other people did too and you know what? That's okay with me. Everyone fucks up.
I apologized to the few people that were really important to me back in the day. I also came to the conclusion that coldness and apathy weren't the answer. I can't stop doing the things I love or being the person I want to be just because some people didn't approve of something I did or said.
I've stopped writing or drawing anything remotely furry because I was trying so hard to push that part of me aside. I didn't want to take one step back into the fandom because I was so terrified of accidentally pissing someone else off. I was so afraid of having mean things spread about me on forums and getting threatening messages on FA. I even got a couple insulting text messages. Yeah, it was pretty out of hand. But that's fine. I understand the mindset that those people were in and it's true that I did the wrong thing. But it's also true that I apologized afterwards.
In the end, I've decided to let the past be the past and move forward. Hopefully others can let that happen as well.
I want to start doing artwork again, writing and painting. I really want to put on my home-made fursuit head and be silly with people. I want to be a part of everything I thought was really awesome about the fandom. I really, truly miss it.
Trying to give up my fursona, Dhani, was like trying to get rid of a piece of myself. It just doesn't work. Those of you who are attached to your character know that feeling all too well. I think that furries who leave, like myself, always end up coming back because there's something here in the fandom that you can't find anywhere else. Like I said when I left, the parts of the fandom I love will always be the creativity, the kindness, and the acceptance that I found here. Sometimes those things are overshadowed with narrow-mindedness, drama and misunderstanding. And when that happens it can take awhile to get past that and start over again.
And you know what? I'm going to start with some gift art for some people that meant and still mean a lot to me.
Always,
Dhani Jackal
Could be because I made my own fursuit head. I dunno.
It's 1:30am. I'm sick and I can't sleep. For some reason, all I can think about is what I've been doing in the fandom. Which is nothing.
I tried to come back under a false name with a false fursona that doesn't represent even the smallest part of me. I was afraid of being chased out like I was before for making some mistakes. Then I realized that I wasn't the only person who fucked up in the end. Other people did too and you know what? That's okay with me. Everyone fucks up.
I apologized to the few people that were really important to me back in the day. I also came to the conclusion that coldness and apathy weren't the answer. I can't stop doing the things I love or being the person I want to be just because some people didn't approve of something I did or said.
I've stopped writing or drawing anything remotely furry because I was trying so hard to push that part of me aside. I didn't want to take one step back into the fandom because I was so terrified of accidentally pissing someone else off. I was so afraid of having mean things spread about me on forums and getting threatening messages on FA. I even got a couple insulting text messages. Yeah, it was pretty out of hand. But that's fine. I understand the mindset that those people were in and it's true that I did the wrong thing. But it's also true that I apologized afterwards.
In the end, I've decided to let the past be the past and move forward. Hopefully others can let that happen as well.
I want to start doing artwork again, writing and painting. I really want to put on my home-made fursuit head and be silly with people. I want to be a part of everything I thought was really awesome about the fandom. I really, truly miss it.
Trying to give up my fursona, Dhani, was like trying to get rid of a piece of myself. It just doesn't work. Those of you who are attached to your character know that feeling all too well. I think that furries who leave, like myself, always end up coming back because there's something here in the fandom that you can't find anywhere else. Like I said when I left, the parts of the fandom I love will always be the creativity, the kindness, and the acceptance that I found here. Sometimes those things are overshadowed with narrow-mindedness, drama and misunderstanding. And when that happens it can take awhile to get past that and start over again.
And you know what? I'm going to start with some gift art for some people that meant and still mean a lot to me.
Always,
Dhani Jackal
