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14 years ago
General
Lift Hard.
Screw pick-up lines.. We need Break-up lines....
* Do you believe in love at first sight?…How about misery after three years?
* That shirt looks good on you. You know what else would look good on you? My friend Dave, I think you should go out with him.
* Is it hot in here, or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?
* When I’m with you I feel 3 pounds lighter. Probably because you bore the shit out of me……And I had a big lunch.
* I didn’t know angels flew this close to the ground. Maybe that’s because this angels gained a few pounds since we started going out.
* Hey I was just wondering. Are you doing push ups with your knees down? Because I’m not sure if this is working out.
* Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you’re pregnant. If you’re not, then let’s break up.
* Hey, is there a new critically acclaimed movie called “Other People”? Because that’s what I want to see.
* Are your feet tired?…Because you’ve been stomping on my dreams for a few years now.
and the best one by far
* Hey baby, are you being followed?…Because I’ve been seeing people behind your back.
because other people need to know about the genius that is Demetri Martin
I miss Important Things T_T
All of his jokes:
"Here are a few examples of x:"
*a few good examples*
*like 20 he didn't really need to include since they're not that great*
I didn't think there was a less funny comedy show than the office before Demetri.
Anyways, that's where I stand on this issue. :/
*Go blow yourself. I'm certainly not going to be doing it anymore.
*Yeah, Your Mom/Dad/Sister/Brother told me you'd blubber when I left you... It's amazing what you learn in pillow talk.
*You know how I like to see you best? In my rear-view mirror.
*Welcome to Dumpville. Population: you.