I had these extremely bizarre dreams last night, in which my subconscious mind presented me with dozens of things which have been on my mind lately, amplified and distorted through the lens of my imagination. I didn't know I was dreaming when I woke up, it was so vivid.... but when I finally came all the way out of what you might call sleep, but what I would call thrashing around for eight hours in a state of panic and distress, I was so wrongheaded, so emotionally compromised, that it's been three hours and i still haven't decided what to have for breakfast.

I'm totally compromised in mind and spirit. I'm so dissatisfied right now and I have no real reason to be, but I'm just, I'm burnt out.

I'm actually considering video games as an escape again, and if you guys knew my history with video games, you'd understand why that's such a bad thing. I love RPGs, I love them so much that I'm the sort of person who can sit and play one of the final fantasy games for twenty-six HOURS and ultimately have to stop because I keep forgetting to blink and my entire body hurts too badly to keep going.

A MMORPG would be even worse... it could totally consume my entire life and I'd quite gladly let it do so, and someone I know is begging me to try RIFT with him. Several somebodies actually.

And I'm actually giving it serious consideration.

Because the stuff I actually WANT to do is out of my reach, and the stuff I NEED to do I really need collaboration on.

It's sad.... I don't even want to do anything artistic right now. I know it's bad when my creative urge drops low enough that I can't make myself draw.

Fuck..... what the hell is wrong with me today..... ;-;