A month ago i wrote a journal while i was in a horrible mood, i admit and know that. I insulted some good people and when i calmed down i realized it. i knew saying sorry wouldn't fix it, saying a million sorry's couldn't allow that person a better of view of who i truly am. So i left it and i tried to recompense for it, but i had deeply insulted that person.

I hate being mean to people, unless they are cruel back to me. I have been picked on by my peers for most of my twenty years of life. I tried buying friend but no amount of stuff would keep them from turning on me at the drop of a hat. I say things before a think sometimes, and then i realize too late i said something horrible, i ruin a relationship with that person. Hell i know it kinda seems winding i tried to kill myself during middle school once, my closest friend went to different school and i was surrounded by people who made fun of and beat on me, and when i fought back i was always in more trouble then they were. I spent (thankfully)only a week in a mental hospital where they took anything and everything they thought i could kill myself with. after that week i learned i wasn't like them, i met a kid in there who had come in like me for only a week at first but he was so consumed by anger they made him stay for months afterward.

I am very Socially awkward sometimes especially in real life. Heh im 20 and still a virgin from a school where most of the girl were considered loose. I never knew how to completely treat a girlfriend, and i either got friend zoned, or they broke up with me in anger. I also suck at asking them out..god getting up the guts sometimes to talk to them is frightening enough for me.

I value my true friends, i help them whenever i can, whether it be buying lunch one time, or rushing to their aid. I beat my best friend dad to where his car broke down once, and his dad was closer then me.

Well i admit i was a little miffed about Strype's auction fix, i knew i deserved it, but he didn't deserve the hate other gave him. I forgive him and i wanted him to be able to get enough money to do what needed doing. Hatred only breeds more hatred. I knew what needed to be done, i stepped up, forgave him and told everyone to leave him alone. I mean he is a really good guy from what i have heard, and i did not want his reputation ruined by this.

Always remember

It is better to forgive, than to continue to hate.

ps. If it seems disjointed, i have ADHD , dont take the meds anymore, its hard to focus and keep my train of thought sometimes.