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Gender Dysphoria [subtopic pets]
14 years ago
General
I hope this journal isn't too much though be warned it may contain subject matter that is beyond what I usually post. I hope I don't seem crass :<
So lately I've been feeling weird, I look in the mirror and it shocks me what I see. No longer do I look like "me". At work when I speak to my supervisors and I actually hear my voice I stop talking and have to catch myself because the voice sounds so disembodied and I have to gather myself and remind myself that it is coming from me. Facial hair is a terrifying thing to me, when I have it I can't stand the sight of myself.
I guess this is what they call gender dysphoria... it's awful. I feel like I'm sick, and when I think of it I am sick I need to be medicated, with hormones to "correct" this birth abnormality. I don't want to be transgender I want to be a girl, I AM a girl. The fact I have to fight for my identity disturbes me. My mother refuses to talk about it online or over the phone and refuses to meet with me to discuss it so she hs no idea that I am in the worls of getting hormones and thus neither is my father so she'll find out when breasts pop out of my chest I suppose *sigh*
Don't get me wrong I'm not depressed this is just all weird for me any doubts I may have had about what I am doing are gone as I am reminded that this isn't a choice.There are other factors I don't want to mention but I will. COVER YOUR EARS! Libido is GONE like barely any of that anymore which is meh Oh wait I should have told you to cover your eyes... sorry
However with my complete loss of "desire" comes this new desire to be close to people... I can't explain it but it's like I am looking for someone who I can be close to, not sexually (obviously) just I dunno... I'm all emotional I think I'm in some form of heat or something XP
I have been looking into the master and pet thing but there are only a small handful of people I could fully trust. Ugh springtime for foxes... not fun.... I'm ALL mixed up!
So lately I've been feeling weird, I look in the mirror and it shocks me what I see. No longer do I look like "me". At work when I speak to my supervisors and I actually hear my voice I stop talking and have to catch myself because the voice sounds so disembodied and I have to gather myself and remind myself that it is coming from me. Facial hair is a terrifying thing to me, when I have it I can't stand the sight of myself.
I guess this is what they call gender dysphoria... it's awful. I feel like I'm sick, and when I think of it I am sick I need to be medicated, with hormones to "correct" this birth abnormality. I don't want to be transgender I want to be a girl, I AM a girl. The fact I have to fight for my identity disturbes me. My mother refuses to talk about it online or over the phone and refuses to meet with me to discuss it so she hs no idea that I am in the worls of getting hormones and thus neither is my father so she'll find out when breasts pop out of my chest I suppose *sigh*
Don't get me wrong I'm not depressed this is just all weird for me any doubts I may have had about what I am doing are gone as I am reminded that this isn't a choice.There are other factors I don't want to mention but I will. COVER YOUR EARS! Libido is GONE like barely any of that anymore which is meh Oh wait I should have told you to cover your eyes... sorry
However with my complete loss of "desire" comes this new desire to be close to people... I can't explain it but it's like I am looking for someone who I can be close to, not sexually (obviously) just I dunno... I'm all emotional I think I'm in some form of heat or something XP
I have been looking into the master and pet thing but there are only a small handful of people I could fully trust. Ugh springtime for foxes... not fun.... I'm ALL mixed up!
The point is, you're not alone. I'd love to be by your side and help you everystep of the way.
I don't know if I could be with a man. I am.. somewhat uncomfortable around most men a bit of a phobia actually. I'm sure there are lots of women out there who would be interested in you :)
Being uncomfortable around one sex is not an uncommon thing.
I'm a dude, (straight) and I get really uncomfortable around most girls.
Their are some that I meet, (once every blue moon) that I can open up to.
However. For the most part, I just need to leave the room to untie my nerves.
But there are a lot of similarities! We're here for you, Sis!
i will be ya friend here and.......* hugs those two DAM FLUFFY TAIL'S OF YOURS*
as for ya yuma i can't say i kno how ya feel as well i will never know but from what i can see you are very strong willed and want to make ya life better
and ya are very kind just keep goingstrong yuma and well.... be the person ya want to be witch is a beautiful female
i will always be a friend and ya personal tail hugger
and yes i belive it will be i will be truthfull ya get alot of people who dislike transgenders and insult people like you.......<_<
but belive me im on ya side yuma im glad ya doing this and ya staying strong though the whole of it that is why i think highly of ya
ohhh and i have a question how cold can canda be at christmas time as im gonna be visting there at that time?
I don't know why people hate transexuals we just want to be the right gender *sigh* confuses me. Where in Canada will you be visiting.
whould ya belive i have never seen snow before
ummm well i will be visting friends down there they live about 45 mins drive away from torneto ((i know i spellt that wrong))
and yeah i dont know why some people hate transexuals i find nothing wrong with them in my eyes
yeah i think it will be best to take warm cloths then but then i could just......^_^
*gives yuma's tail.s a huge hug* there nice and warm ^_^
I believe that once you start HRT that life in general will slowly begin to make sense again and you will feel more like yourself.
Anyway .. I don't profess to know how you must feel or exactly what you are going through but I can relate to the general feeling of dysphoria .. sometimes I look in the mirror and see a complete stranger looking back... so don't feel alone okay? *big hugs* >^+^< talk at ya later .. gotta get back to work, lunchtime's over.
just wait an' see there are no downs without ups :3
It might help. *noses and rests her head on yours* I'm here for you when you need, you know that.
SKA
No Microphone on this computer. Not yet anyway.
To be honest... I would be scared. but... I don't have the desire you have. so this makes sense. I will be rooting for you and hoping you get what you want. c:
Ah, sorry for this comment... is it's not the best. ;w;
As far as the Fox Springtime goes, you will be suprised just how many people suffer from the same things.. All I can tell you right now from what you've said is that there will be someone that you will connect with and be close to mentally that will help you through the comfort times. If you need a vent or you need to ask somethin, do leave me an offline! If i can't get to it right off, i'll answer you as soon as i get your note :D hopefully i'll get to catch you soon hun.
Till then, chin up girly, and keep those tails of yours floofy and cuddly :D We all loves ya!!!
I will try to get ahold of you better I leave skype open often and I will try to leave you offline messages. My sleep schedule is erradic due to shift work. so it's hard to tell when I'll be on *hugs and snuggles into you gripping your fur tight between her fingers* I definitely haven't forgotten about you *nestles deeper sighing gently* Sorry... springtime...attention....need. *blush*
*hands you a pillow* there.. snuggle into my shoulder and sleep :) shift sleeping sucks donkey arse :S
but then having a chemical imbalance and being over weight [which I've been fighting all my life] it's hard to determine how i'd look with out the pudgy face. it kinda scares me too cause I'm so afraid I'll have a man face
but bottom line is I know how it is hon as you know hehe. But yeah, I'm here for you if you need it *hugs tight*
-_- ugh so sleepy