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my color
14 years ago
(stream of thought random journal about my ideas)
Sound influences my heavy emotions.
my art... Ill try to explain my art. I see in art what many don't. Purely the color and how those colors make you feel, not the single color but the subtle mix. The blending of a rainbow stream of colors. I can look at a pallet of color and smile. The different way we organize color amuses me, such as the different sets of color swatches on photoshop. The theories of color, the hues values and ideas. Thats what I love.
I try and create art of colors and subjects that enhance this color.
I draw furries because I love and hate people at the same time. humans generally bore me and I am an extremely strongly emotional individual. animals are often associated with a certain emotion, and mixing that with a human creates a strongly emotional reaction.
My emotions are too strong for me to handle. I understand emotions way too well. it hurts. I should be bullied way more at school, but everyone that hates me at school ignores me because iv made it so unexciting and pointless to interact with me, so they just whisper to themselves.
I feel like my mind is split into multiple people because of all the emotions that I have. because of this I am inconsistent and confusing.
All the music I listen too is abstract and based on emotion. Its like an addiction... feeling emotional
I don't believe in Christianity because people say he is a nice guy. but he would let someone be sad. also he would let someone be disconnected from him which would apparently would create eternal sorrow (hell) So god (the Christian one) is the only person I hate. someone infinitely knowledgeable that would allow people to be sad for a infinite amount of time. People aren't evil, just confused and misled a lot of the time. I hate no one and if I was a god, I would do what I can to make people happy, I would make them happy if they didn't believe in me. I would make them happy if they hated me.
Sound influences my heavy emotions.
my art... Ill try to explain my art. I see in art what many don't. Purely the color and how those colors make you feel, not the single color but the subtle mix. The blending of a rainbow stream of colors. I can look at a pallet of color and smile. The different way we organize color amuses me, such as the different sets of color swatches on photoshop. The theories of color, the hues values and ideas. Thats what I love.
I try and create art of colors and subjects that enhance this color.
I draw furries because I love and hate people at the same time. humans generally bore me and I am an extremely strongly emotional individual. animals are often associated with a certain emotion, and mixing that with a human creates a strongly emotional reaction.
My emotions are too strong for me to handle. I understand emotions way too well. it hurts. I should be bullied way more at school, but everyone that hates me at school ignores me because iv made it so unexciting and pointless to interact with me, so they just whisper to themselves.
I feel like my mind is split into multiple people because of all the emotions that I have. because of this I am inconsistent and confusing.
All the music I listen too is abstract and based on emotion. Its like an addiction... feeling emotional
I don't believe in Christianity because people say he is a nice guy. but he would let someone be sad. also he would let someone be disconnected from him which would apparently would create eternal sorrow (hell) So god (the Christian one) is the only person I hate. someone infinitely knowledgeable that would allow people to be sad for a infinite amount of time. People aren't evil, just confused and misled a lot of the time. I hate no one and if I was a god, I would do what I can to make people happy, I would make them happy if they didn't believe in me. I would make them happy if they hated me.
I love your description of your artistic process, especially in light of the other things you say here.
I am bipolar, thus by nature extremely emotional and I was raised i a family where emotion=bad so I grew up with a terrible sense of self-hatred and a inclination to hide and abolish my emotions as much as possible. recently I have decided to try to overcome all that, and recover my shunned emotional nature, and I have come to think color is the best media for expressing emotions. It's good that you have that understanding now,while you're young.
I also want to comment on your ideas about GOd. I believe he lets us be sad and suffer other things because he wants us to be free. If he did not allow us to make bad choices and suffer the consequences together [suffer from our own bad choices and from the bad choices of those around us] we would not be truly free.
for a person who has never ben thirsty it is not a great joy to drink. we need to experience some suffering to be able to fully comprehend and value the experience of joy. in retrospect, our terrible challenges become some of the best and greatest things in our lives.
I would not trade the terrible painful chaotic life I've had to this point for a painless life of ease, It's been a great adventure which has made me stronger and wiser, which I'm pleased to have endured, although I do hope I learn soon to make better choices.
I beleive that GOd HAtes no one. he loves us all and wants us to come home to him and he is very sad when we make choices which cause suffering to ourselves and others, and he will guide us to better choices if we let him. [I was not raised with this beleif, my parents are both agnostic scientists, I have gradually learned it through experience, through trial and error]