Well I've found it easier and easier to cope without my mate. He hasn't been at school, and part of me wants to worry sick and the other part just says 'good riddance' I know that he was being pathetic and cutting himself (why he wouldn't need to since he broke up with me I don't know) but he passed out at school because of it. So stupid. But I haven't seen him for about a week. Makes it easier for me to forget about him, although he looked so pathetic every time I did see him I didn't feel too sad. Its not like he's enjoying himself without me. Thats the good news, I'm really feeling good about myself and he's missing out. I went to a party last night (amazing I know) I never go to parties. It was a costume party and I was Anna from Van Helsing. I threw together stuff to make my costume and didn't really plan it since i've been having a hard time and didn't have the time to make my costume. I didn't really know anyone there cept Bunny who I went with. It was fun though, I met some new people and acutally flirted *le gasp* for a while I was entirely incapable of even fluttering my eyelashes at anyone. I think it will take me a while till i'm good at it again. Anyways it made me feel good that I was able to have fun, when before I probably would have wanted to leave because I would get upset and miss my old mate and stuff. He would have never gone to a part with me anyways. Loser. So yeah, thats the good news, I personally am feeling better and slowly (very very slowly) am getting over that jerk.

The bad news is I have no money, not a single person in my house is employed and my dad is being a jerk to me. All he does is yell at me, so i avoid him as much as possible. He says really mean things though, so it doesn't make anything better. I feel kind of like its my fault and I want to help get my family back up on their feet. Alas I probably wouldn't be able to get a job and even if I do I couldn't support four people with a part time job. I know that my art isn't too amazing but I would be more than willing to sell my work and prints, as well as comissions. I don't have a whole bunch of time to work on them but I'd find time if you wanted them. *sigh* i just hope things will start looking up, since if they don't that would just really suck. Its really frustrating too, because its going to be my birthday in two weeks and I won't have a party or anything cause I can't afford it probably. Also I don't have any money to buy presents for other people who have birthdays coming up. To me giving gifts is a big part of having friends and family. Nothing expensive but I like to get things personal to them. I also will have to just mend my pants and stuff, since there is no buying of anything but food. My pants i'm wearing now are pretty far gone but i'm going to have to try to sew the hole in the butt, crotch and knee so I can wear them to school. Without a sewing machine I might add, since that broke a long time ago. Well thats all, I mean there's more going on in my life but i'm not going to whine to much. Just so people won't worry about me (don't worry seriously, i'll make it out just fine)