(stolen shamelessly from  Kody, thought it was entertaining enough to re-post ^^ )

FAKE FRIENDS: identify themselves when they call.
REAL FRIENDS: don't have to.

FAKE FRIENDS: open a conversation with a full news bulletin on their life.
REAL FRIENDS: says, "What's new with you?"

FAKE FRIENDS: think the problems you whine about are recent.
REAL FRIENDS: say, "You've been whining about the same thing for 14 years. Get off your duff and do something about it."

FAKE FRIENDS: have never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: have shoulders soggy from your tears.

FAKE FRIENDS: don't know your parents' first names.
REAL FRIENDS: have their phone numbers in their address book.

FAKE FRIENDS: hate it when you call after they have gone to bed.
REAL FRIENDS: ask you why you took so long to call.

FAKE FRIENDS: seek to talk with you about your problems.
REAL FRIENDS: seek to help you with your problems.

FAKE FRIENDS: act like a guest when visiting.
REAL FRIENDS: open your refrigerator and help themselves.

FAKE FRIENDS: think the friendship is over when you have an argument.
REAL FRIENDS: know that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.

FAKE FRIENDS: expect you to always be there for them.
REAL FRIENDS: expect to always be there for you!

FAKE FRIENDS: will tell you what you want to hear.
REAL FRIENDS: will always tell the truth.

FAKE FRIENDS: will be there for you all through school.
REAL FRIENDS: will be there till the day you die.

FAKE FRIENDS: brings a bottle of wine to your party.
REAL FRIENDS: comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

FAKE FRIENDS: wonders about your romantic history.
REAL FRIENDS: could blackmail you with it.

FAKE FRIENDS: is someone you enjoy hanging out with.
REAL FRIENDS: is someone you need.

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you saying "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that. You know we don't waste."

FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out

FAKE FRIENDS: Will Just Read This
REAL FRIENDS: Will Re-post This