Three and a half years goes by fast and I am very sad right now. I wish things had turned out differently. I miss her very much already. Some things that were said and done today really hurt me. I wish things could be taken back.. When I give her the letter I have been working on I don't think it will change things. It might make her hate me more. I need to give her honesty and space now and that is all I can do.

I can't stop crying because it feels like a fucking nightmare. You know when you have fights with your lover and make up afterwards? I don't think there are any make ups this time. This could be it. I love her so much and the idea of her not being in my life kills me. I may have lost two close friends over this as well.

I don't know really what to say right now. I know I should sleep but I really want to get this letter right. I'm staying at my Mom's house for now. I don't know if I will be on much for the next few days. Thank you so much  seely for chatting with me and smokeforears for talking with me over the phone. I feel better than I did earlier.

Zabeth