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Fuck online job applications.
14 years ago
<Insert Clever and/or Witty Header>
So, life is sort of at a stand still right now. My co-founder of BFAB Group is going away on his yearly tour for the Air Force Reserves for two weeks. I am hoping to go back and visit Zane and all of my friends in Dekalb this next Friday, but until then its more job hunting and application filing. Which I don't mind, save for those stupid motherfucking personality tests almost every company makes you take. I know there's supposed to be science and crap behind those, but its really friggen frustrating when you spend about 30 minutes answering anywhere from 60 to 120 bullshit "Strongly Agree" "Strongly Disagree" questions. Or the fun ones if you're applying for anything remotely management:
Your employee, Tom, see's a customer coming in who he doesn't like. He turns to you and says, "Wow, I hope he doesn't come to my register, I don't feel like dealing with him today." Which of the following is what you would MOST likely do?
A. Tell Tom you'll take over his register and handle the troublesome customer.
B. Tell Tom that he should treat all customer's with respect. The customer is always right. (That's a fucking lie)
C. Watch Tom and take over if he begins to do a bad job.
Hmm..how about D. Tell Tom to shut the fuck up and just help the stupid asshole, then bitch about it on his smoke break like everyone else in the service industry does. I mean, c'mon, we have standards here.
And of course, its all sorts of fulfilling when you do all this crap and after the fact you do all these wonderful questions which is reminiscent of plucking out one's pubes, one at a time, that you find out that your answers are not satisfactory to the company you're applying for. Nope, we're not going to give you the small bit of satisfaction of knowing you filled out an applications and the small fraction of hope that you may get a job. Nope, we're going to just tell you right now that we're not even going to call you, so fuck you!
So, the rest of this week I'll be bashing my face into my keyboard in the hopes of finding a job. I can't wait until next friggen Friday.
Other then that, I am doin' ducky. Don't mistake this rant as the fact I'm uber pissed and in a bad mood. Honestly, if you're job hunting right now, I think you may find some stuff there you'll agree with.
Your employee, Tom, see's a customer coming in who he doesn't like. He turns to you and says, "Wow, I hope he doesn't come to my register, I don't feel like dealing with him today." Which of the following is what you would MOST likely do?
A. Tell Tom you'll take over his register and handle the troublesome customer.
B. Tell Tom that he should treat all customer's with respect. The customer is always right. (That's a fucking lie)
C. Watch Tom and take over if he begins to do a bad job.
Hmm..how about D. Tell Tom to shut the fuck up and just help the stupid asshole, then bitch about it on his smoke break like everyone else in the service industry does. I mean, c'mon, we have standards here.
And of course, its all sorts of fulfilling when you do all this crap and after the fact you do all these wonderful questions which is reminiscent of plucking out one's pubes, one at a time, that you find out that your answers are not satisfactory to the company you're applying for. Nope, we're not going to give you the small bit of satisfaction of knowing you filled out an applications and the small fraction of hope that you may get a job. Nope, we're going to just tell you right now that we're not even going to call you, so fuck you!
So, the rest of this week I'll be bashing my face into my keyboard in the hopes of finding a job. I can't wait until next friggen Friday.
Other then that, I am doin' ducky. Don't mistake this rant as the fact I'm uber pissed and in a bad mood. Honestly, if you're job hunting right now, I think you may find some stuff there you'll agree with.
One of my favorites from Walmart's internal exam was.
The company has recently come under flack do to a scandal.
You should
A. Back the company and reassure coworkers & underlings
B. Gossip
C. DO nothing, that's the responsibility of other people
d. Publicly join in the defamation
I mean they don't even say what the scandals over, if theres truth to it. I mean This could be able to Sam Walton was a pedophile to we use child labor, I mean there and infinite possibilities of scandals and no validation to the question to see if it's actually true or not.
Can you guess which was the "correct" answer :p
Keep me updated on your job search
When you next meet Tom, tell him that his losing his job was part of the back-stabbing management’s “downsizing” the company to make their jobs more secure and that you are afraid that they may be gunning for you (“We’re in the same boat, buddy”). Remember also to use a lot of references to bodily wastes (shit, bull shit and crap) in your conversation with Tom since most guys think that that makes one sound much more mature.
*Jobless in Massachusetts*
I'm seriously concerned that if I hear that one more time, I may stab the interviewer with his/her's own pen.
*softly repeats to self 'Must not stab the interviewer. Must not stab the interviewer.'