You know...I feel really weird...I mean...I taken the Black Box test...and I think I did pretty good...but if I need to retake it...I would...but that would have to be next year when I come back.

*sighs*

Its just that...after the test...I just went through this huge...I dont know...inner depression it seems like. I feel weird and I just slum around. My mind seems dull and I dont know what to really do or say now.

Im excited to go to Cali for my extern, and getting my ear peirced and everything. But, I feel like I dont care about the WCI anymore. I probably think that its the lack of some of the instructors...some of them were being too harsh on the students the other day. I didnt quite like it. If it were me...I would let anybody pass if they worked hard and got everything in on time. Though if the food was really bad then...I would rethink that...

But yeah, I did pretty well with what I did.

You know though...I dont feel like going to school anymore...yet here I am...maybe Im just nervous...I cant focus on anything anymore...like the cleanliness of my room...or my laundry...I havent cleaned my room for over a month and same with my laundry...I've been doing little of it to get by but I still have loads of clothes that I wont even touch.

If it is depression, I want to know what Im depressed about...and why now?

Im usually cheerful all the time...yet now...I feel...unresentful. I feel cold and unwanting of others. Gosh...I dont like it at all...I want myself back. I actually want my life to start...though it hasnt...

My life wont start until the day Im in a relationship. Thats how I am cause Im a romancer...I dont depend on others. I just seek compainionship and love and all that. Its like a battery for me. Love. That in general.

...

I might need to talk to somebody about this...this aint right...once a score is made you cannot change it...well...if its to increase yeah...but not to decrease it...thats just plain wrong...