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"The Rules" from the male side. Now here at last!
14 years ago
General
1.Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.
2.Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3.Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
4.Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
5.Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
6.Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
7.Crying is blackmail.
8.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
9.We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
10.Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
11.Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
12.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
13.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
14.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
15.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
16.If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
17.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
18.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
19.Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
20.The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
21.ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
22.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
23.We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
24.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
25.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
26.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
27.Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
28.You have enough clothes.
29.You have too many shoes.
30.Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
31.It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
32.I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
33.Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
2.Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
3.Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
4.Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
5.Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
6.Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
7.Crying is blackmail.
8.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
9.We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
10.Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
11.Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
12.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
13.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
14.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
15.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
16.If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
17.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
18.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
19.Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
20.The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
21.ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
22.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
23.We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
24.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
25.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
26.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
27.Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
28.You have enough clothes.
29.You have too many shoes.
30.Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
31.It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
32.I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
33.Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Damned shame you can't Favorite a Journal entry
>you're bitching about having to put the toilet seat down?
Please read the rule 1. again. We don't have, you want it down, you put it down yourself. Very thoroughly not a guys problem. *shrug* Besides if girl is going to toilet half asleep and doesn't understand surroundings enough to be able to operate toilet seat, then she has to allow that guy was in the same state and didn't as well. (Also she should be thankful to the end that guy raised the seat before his business)
Besides it all is a moot point, best way of peeing is into the sink anyway. a) avoids seat up/down question entirely, b) way less chances of missing or splashing, even when sleepy, c) more hygienic - can wash the tool right there, right after, d) may cause much larger irrational screaming from girl than seat issue - which is useful, because helps to find out a serious relationship problems early.