In short, because I have no particular desire to type it all again:
Sprint fucked up, did something weird to my primary number. We had it fixed, it took forever, and when I went to get an upgrade for my phone (I accidentally mine), they messed it up again.
I spent 3 different occasions in their store, trying to a) calm down a parent and b) trying to, very patiently, explain what is SUPPOSED to happen and what they dun did and why it needs fixing.

...I got a new phone, though. It's shiny.