So last night I was sitting and chatting with various folks, being a bit bored due to the fact hardly anyone was on (It was after midnight where I was, so barely anyone was on) and out of the blue, my roommate PMs me, saying she found my mother's grave.

For those not in the know, my mother passed away early in 2008, when I happened to be in Chicago, IL at the time. I came back south by the end of the year, finally, but by then, she'd been buried for months. And the only ones who knew where she was buried were my family, and they weren't going to tell me unless I came to visit them.

I don't like my family. Bullied, abused, picked on and nearly killed, I put up with it until the day my father tried to shoot me in the head. I parted on bad terms, my own father even going to far as to steal my last paycheck (Because he deserved that money, not me) so I tended to simply not think about them. Well..

I had always wanted to go pay my respects to her grave... but I wanted no interaction with my family to do it. And now I have a way. I just wonder... should I? I feel so confused and mixed up. Going would be closure, I'm told... something I desperately need. But then I stop and wonder... is it really worth it driving a state over? just to clear my head? I'm lazy like that. And heartless too; I didn't even dry when I was told my mother had died. The fact that I didn't actually frightened me, making me wonder just how bitter and angry I am... about her, about all of them.

I don't know if I'll go or not... but if I do, at least now I won't have to deal with those people whom I have the displeasure of calling family.

~Fait