mostly this week I have been plagued by some rather severe depression.... In truth, I do not know what happened or what is wrong with me...... But I am..... well.... to be completely honest.... it struck hard earlier, and I just had an episode.... I freaked out a spot..... and I was craving death.....
I was talking about killing myself, and how much I crave it......

also, random things keep happening.... things that seem small and miniscule... but cut me deep......

I honestly dont know what to do..... I....
my best friend and mate cheer me up more than anyone..... yet.... my mate has foot ball practice until 6, my other mate doesnt really talk to us much.. ever...... and my best friends always busy with prior engagements.....
a fair ammount of my old friend.... real and on the computer.... they seem to just cause pain..... some seem to do it intentionally, whilst others clearly dont know they are doing it.....


....I feel so..... so......
I cant even think of how to describe it....
a mixture of... depressed, pathetic, worthless, less than nothing, and crave death, but also desire to get better (rather than crushing hopelessness and emptiness)....


forgive, all
I just needed to get this out there.... it helps me feel better normally, typing up what I think and feel... almost like someone truly truly cares......