So, yeah, the Rapture didn't happen today.

That's nothing special; everybody knew it wouldn't. But what really amazed me was that even the news seemed to join in with the rest of us in expressing eye-rolling contempt for this latest doomsday prediction. They came damn close to actually pointing at the people who believed in it and going, "HA ha!"

Yeah, there's a savage glee in laughing at people who are just so gosh-darn sure the world's gonna end. But personally, I think they deserve a little more than just being mocked.

Tonight on the news they talked about a guy who had spent his entire life savings, something like $100,000, to put up signs all over the New York city subway, warning people of the impending Rapture. He was out on the street distributing leaflets at 6:00pm, the time of the mathematically-proven-by-Bible-code End Of Everything. Of course, not a damn thing happened, except that it rained a little.

The reporter said that the man looked sad and disappointed, then started reading his Bible. Then people around him started to jeer him.

At this point, I said something like, "Good! It's what he deserves!"

My aunt said something like, "I don't know... It's kinda like kicking a sick puppydog."

I disagree with that, but I can completely respect her point. This poor dumb bastard has just lost everything. And if he's like a lot of other doomsdayers, this is likely to just send him further into self-delusion, instead of making him wake up. He's a harmless, broken man. I can completely understand the urge to have compassion for him.

But I don't.

Why? Because of how the reporter described his reaction when the prophesied end didn't come: "sad and disappointed." This man was sad and disappointed that the end of the world didn't happen. If this man's reaction had been a joyful relief that God had shown mercy and the human race would be spared, I'd totally let him off the hook. But no: sad and disappointed. The news mentioned another doomsday-that-didn't-happen in 1844, which was called The Great Disappointment.

I keep repeating that word because I want to drill it into you guys exactly what these people are disappointed about. In the case of the current non-Rapture, it was foretold that earthquakes would rip the planet into pieces, and God would scoop up all the True Faithful directly into Heaven. Which means that all the unbelievers would have to stay behind and die in unimaginable fiery agony and terror. That's what these people are disappointed didn't happen. If any of you are atheists, or just not Christians, then these people are sad that you are not burning to death in molten lava right this instant.

Of course, I know that most of these people don't actively want to see everyone else die. But still, they want the freakin' end of the world to happen. They are EAGER for it. Why? Personally, I think it's sheer laziness. Despite the fact that the quality of human life has been steadily rising for almost our entire existence, there are still people who believe that, right now, things have never been worse. They want the world to end because they look at the problems we have now and think, "It's too much to ever fix. It's better to just sweep it all away and start over." Well isn't that nice. Maybe some of us would like a crack at fixing things before you give up on them, hm?

I'll bet a lot of these people buy into the unbelievably backwards idea that the world is being destroyed by too much technology and that humanity would be so much purer and happier if we all returned to nature. Um, are you blind? Because from my perspective, it looks like modern science, medicine and technology are the only things keeping most of us alive past our twenties.

But beyond just laziness and foolish dreams, there's something else that's inescapably present in someone with the desire for the world to soon end. Arrogance.

I will guarantee you something right now: Not a single person who believes in a coming Rapture believes that they will be one of the ones left behind.

Nope; every single self-righteous one of them believes that they are one of God's chosen. They're the ones who'll get whooshed up to paradise while everyone else perishes for their sins. Is anyone else disgusted by that? How small of a soul do you have to have to think that you're completely blameless for humanity's problems? That it is literally everyone else's fault? And so you deserve bliss while the common mud-people all deserve God's wrath? 'Childish' isn't the word for it, because I don't think hardly any children past toddler age are this ignorantly selfish.

There are people who knowingly scam these doomsdayers. They get people to send them money for Rapture insurance, or to take care of their pets afterwards, or to pass on messages to the families of Raptured folks. These people are raking in money, knowing the whole time that they will never, ever have to fulfill any of the promises they make. And GOD BLESS THEM!!! In complete honesty, I support these people 100%. There's a difference between con artists who swindle people with no way of knowing they're about to be scammed, and those who swindle people who have EVERY reason to believe they're about to be scammed. If a guy shows up at your door selling magic pixie dust that will make your car fly, and you pay him, you have absolutely no right to complain later when you realize how much of a chump you are.

If I'd known anyone who believed in today's not-quite-Rapture, I would have loved to straight-up fuck with them. I would have asked them if I could have all their material possessions. If they said no, I'd say, "Why not? You won't need them come tomorrow." And if they showed any hesitation, I'd say, "So you don't really have faith that the world will end tomorrow after all?" I'd watch them squirm and contradict themselves like crazy. And if I did manage to get them to hand over some of their stuff, you can bet your ass there's no way in hell I'd gave any of it back if they came knocking on the door later tonight.

THEM: "God heard our prayers and postponed the End Times! Give me my Blu-Ray player back!"
ME: "Go fuck yourself! Learn to face the consequences of your beliefs!"

That's the core of this. I think that we all must always be ready to face the consequences of our beliefs. I don't mean stuff you could never possibly imagine, like walking outside and being hit by a falling chunk of space shuttle, but risks you can't help but know about beforehand. If you choose to gamble, you should be prepared to lose money. If you choose to have lots of unprotected sex, you should be prepared for STDs. If you choose to believe in a specific date when the world's gonna end, you should be prepared to look like a jackass the day afterwards.

When we make any kind of choice in our lives with easily foreseen consequences, then we had damn well better accept it with dignity if those choices backfire on us. We ought to have the personal honor in us to say "Oh well" in these instances, instead of reacting with denial, dishonesty or a temper-tantrum. If not, then we deserve to be mocked. We deserve the "HA ha!"

You can choose to feel sorry for all the True Believers who don't know why they're not in Heaven right now. You can be compassionate towards them. But they probably won't learn anything that way. Humiliation can be a powerful motivator.

Me? I'd say to them, "Hey, remember that time you thought me and all the other infidels were going to fall into cracks in the Earth and die screaming, while you, Mr. Perfect, sailed up into the sky to experience eternal pleasure? Boy, are you one stupid shithead!" And then I'd grin my ass off.



BTW, if any of you know anyone who believes in that 2012 Mayan calender horseshit, tell me about them. I wanna have some fun with them on December 22nd. ;)