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Being home...not what I hoped
14 years ago
I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I've listened...
As much as I enjoy being back home for Summer break, I'm finding myself a bit distraught. Yes, I can see the people that are dear to me more easily, but due to the fact so many of my friends have jobs or other commitments, I'm pretty much stuck without much contact save for the weekends.
What bothers me even more is that I'm almost always alone in my house. I wake up anywhere from 10 AM to 1 PM depending on how I sleep and most often nobody is home. While this may not seem like a big deal, I got used to living on a campus where, like it or not, I was almost constantly in contact with people. While it is often those people got on my nerves being surrounded by others is oddly comforting. While it's true I'm insanely freaked out when in a large crowd, which is why going to cons doesn't work well for my unless I'm with a friend the whole time, having a few people near helps.
The issue at hand is that in my home it is only my mother, my father, and I ever since our dog, Cinnamon, passed away last Summer. While I love my parents deeply, I have very little I can talk with them about. My mother and I can normally discuss family matters fairly well. My father is alright for some topics, but if I even venture toward politics, I get hit by a deluge of partisan thoughts. My father is a rather staunch Republican, which at one time worried me. After coming out to him things have been much better than they once were. Hell, I used to go days without seeing him because we wouldn't cross paths in the house. For the record, it's a small house, but we tend to stay sequestered to our own rooms. Perhaps I was expecting us to bond more after coming out, but we haven't so much. I'm going to try and take the first steps in making it happen because I don't think he will.
While all of this is incredibly "emo", I think from time to time I need to be frank with my emotional state. In complete honesty, I will shortly be meeting a few local therapists in order to follow up with a recommendation made by my counselor at school. I feel I need to work on my emotional health in order to better myself as a person and I think this is a good first step.
What bothers me even more is that I'm almost always alone in my house. I wake up anywhere from 10 AM to 1 PM depending on how I sleep and most often nobody is home. While this may not seem like a big deal, I got used to living on a campus where, like it or not, I was almost constantly in contact with people. While it is often those people got on my nerves being surrounded by others is oddly comforting. While it's true I'm insanely freaked out when in a large crowd, which is why going to cons doesn't work well for my unless I'm with a friend the whole time, having a few people near helps.
The issue at hand is that in my home it is only my mother, my father, and I ever since our dog, Cinnamon, passed away last Summer. While I love my parents deeply, I have very little I can talk with them about. My mother and I can normally discuss family matters fairly well. My father is alright for some topics, but if I even venture toward politics, I get hit by a deluge of partisan thoughts. My father is a rather staunch Republican, which at one time worried me. After coming out to him things have been much better than they once were. Hell, I used to go days without seeing him because we wouldn't cross paths in the house. For the record, it's a small house, but we tend to stay sequestered to our own rooms. Perhaps I was expecting us to bond more after coming out, but we haven't so much. I'm going to try and take the first steps in making it happen because I don't think he will.
While all of this is incredibly "emo", I think from time to time I need to be frank with my emotional state. In complete honesty, I will shortly be meeting a few local therapists in order to follow up with a recommendation made by my counselor at school. I feel I need to work on my emotional health in order to better myself as a person and I think this is a good first step.
But yeah, perhaps if you make the effort, your dad might also be willing to put some effort into it to meet you half way.