you have my support, tho i cant give much

thanks, and support from a brother is still grand support *hugs*

Well I commend her on her protectiveness, espicially with that man that made you, but being OVER can be somewhat of a drag though it's not that way for me and I'm glad.

Yeah she is great over all, and my dad wasn't the worst person in the world as it were, there are some fond memories in the back of my mind but he never did get ahold of his drinking problem and sometimes just ill temperment.

Well it's the good memories that matter the most.

online relationships need to have a certain sense of skeptisism to them by their nature so I don't fault your mom for being like that. Always take it with a grain of salt.

There's too many horror stories (like your mom's and your own) and enough sensationalism about a "cold" medium to prove its as dangerous as being a part of a gang or talking with terrorists. Things can and do go wrong with botched "meetings" and when something like that happens your scarred for life

Being a hermit isn't healthy with that sort of issue but if your in a domestic situation where you don't have access to another suitable social medium than you have to make do or change the place you live. Its actually counter productive to shut everything out because paranoia is removing your only branch to the outside world regardless.

If the local situation isn't conclusive to who you are than its your responsibility to get the hell out before you turn psychotic or worse. You cant be forced to be something your not cause it'll kill you in the long run. You need to have both cold and warm (beneficial face to face real life) social mediums top balance things so don't rely solely on the internet for communication. If you have to than your situation needs to change (which means being willing or preparing to change your location)


I've found a few good things though to consider though when it comes to online meetings though. If you don't have the freedom of an adult to make these sorts of decisions than you shouldn't be preparing to see anyone until you are capable of handling them. This is adult stuff of course when you have the ability to make your own decisions (and face the consequences of mistakes or impulsive decisions)

- Take the dealings online at face value nothing more. Your "front" is nothing but pixels and electronic signals and sometimes the feelings are too (you have to be the judge wile avoiding impulsive things). They are controlled by another human on the other side but you can mask alot of less than desirable traits easily.

- Take what you hear with a grain of salt and be prepared to research/verify alot of background information about it if you GENUINELY want to meet someone from the net. The net has no risks and you can break it off easily if it goes wrong without too much damage. For example if you speak to someone regularly for many hours a day for 4 or more years chances are (unless their psychotic) that you both know enough of each other to safely meet.

- You will not want to "meet" everyone you know online. We all have different layers of friends and usually you'll only meet a handful of who you talk with in your life online (at the innermost level). Its better to accept that the changes of meeting anyone from online is very very low unless you plan extensively and rationally.

- Be prepared to really know the person as much as you can. If their not willing to share real life information (we are all adults) that is verifiable. Than don't bother meeting them. WE ARE all adults here there is nothing wrong with exchanging private info and being prepared to take countermeasures if something bad happens. Just trust your instincts about it before you go doing what your mom did.

- Start with small scale items (such as exchanges of small gifts or postcards in the mail) actual phone calls or even a video conference session on Skype/related. You'll know right away if their speech/responses are similar to what your seeing in real life if its something you should pursue. If the person lives in the same town, meet in a public spot both of you like. If there's any sort of comfort issue or anything unexpected break it off immediately go back a step and continue on with the avatar for safety (or dont).

- Anyone legitimately safe to meet will understand the caution you take and appreciate the honesty rather than being impulsive and pushy.

- If your going out of town prepare properly as if you were going on vacation to that location fully prepared (money, documents etc). Never stay with someone you Don't know and know a way back home. never let them take care of your needs to create a potentially threatening situation. There are things like conventions and meets for a reason in many interests. They are definitely worth looking into if you can properly plan for attending one.


- Dont meet soley for lifestyle related activities such as cub/caregiver relationships or baby play. Its like dating and "going to bed" with somone you dont know, havent verified the identity of never met before and haven't even exchanged a letter with. It opens up severely dangerous things, exposes you to situations that are pre-mature. And it could land you in legal and or other trouble. Background MUST be completed first and all items (like 4-5 face to face meetings) must be made before you start doing that stuff. Your responsibility is to you first before some "Artificial" caregiver relationship that may be false intimacy is nurtured.

If anything playing around like you is naturally going to cause enough grief for your mom to pull the plug outright on your net because like she should she is intervening when your not thinking clearly.

*hugs* alot of people I have bumped into I deffinatly wouldn't want them to even know what coast or section of america I live in, heck some of them I probebly would prefer they not know what nation I even reside in, its just that I don't deem it worth trying to suppress that information, would be to many loose ends and the fact I speak only english already would narrow that down.

However when it comes to the ones I would like to meet they already have alot of my personal information and I there's.
I tend to be a fairly deep person and fairly intimate by nature so it usually doesn't take me to long to really start getting at the roots of a persons essence once I am past the iniatial shields we all put up.

Then when it comes to the ones I would like to meet its really not just for cubbing out or what not, I would ultimatly prefer we actually lived together so I can keep a better eye on them an monitor them and tend to them more closely... and also being as I am not always the most together person either they might even be able to keep me in order, maybe.

I guess thats also part of why I worry so much, it wouldn't be something like we can just "accidentelly" bump into each other and "mysteriously" hit it off at some place then go our seprate ways, the chosen furs would be entering my life as a whole, even if not living together or anything it would go past any sort of loose knit companionship that could just eb or flow according to the situation.

Well its good that you know how and what to look for online and are being cautious as you should be. That's a good first step. You shouldnt be planning to meet anyone that you don't know really well anyways

location info (from working in a job where there were zero tolerance about being specific) is okay reguardless in generalities. Unless you link your used screen name to something personally identifiable (such as phone numbers, full names etc) you can be safe to go as far as town with anyone onlne as an adult. Accepts and language are geographically binding anyways but unless you have your voice in public already than someone isnt likely to hear it

There's not much else they can find anyways using a "netstat" command and doing an ARIN on the IPs that come up.

I think what your describing though is more akin to wanting a roommate sort of thing like another group of babyfurs on here. That's something waaay beyond meeting because you have compatibility issues and personality conflicts and dynamics that will never be worked out without :"trying it out" for a little while.

In that sort of situation no matter how "well" you think you know someone online you cant expect to move in together and not run into issues that are impossible to know of online in any way

meep, that sounds sad *cuddles* and momies do protect because they love after all