so recently, my roommates have not been doing their dishes. i am not doing them; i clean my dishes by hand after i'm done using them. so they pile up in the sink. i just started a new job, also, so my room was a bit messy.

few days ago i got an email saying that i had a one on one meeting with the associate dean of student affairs. she tells me that they have been getting complaints about the cleanliness of the apartment. there is only one place these complaints could come from - my roommates. i explained to her that i was planning on cleaning my room, but that the dishes in the dishwasher and sink were not my responsibility and that my roommates have been trying to tell me (by not doing them) that they think it's my turn to do them. she seemed to understand that this logic made sense.

well apparently i was fucking WRONG.

a cleaning lady came by today and straightened up our entire apartment. it was awkward but i figured student housing sent her to clean up, in an attempt to fix the problem with me and my roommates.

but i get an email saying that i have been relocated to a new apartment.

I DO. NOT. WANT. TO. MOVE.

as much as i bitch, it really isnt so bad now that i have my desk in my room. i like the set up i have. i know how to deal with my roommates, even if i don't particularly like them. i least know how to ignore them, or how to get over their attitudes. i don't fucking like change.

so. i asked why i was being moved. being that it's after 4 pm here, the head of housing won't reply until tomorrow.

but it doesnt matter. i've made my decision - i'm dropping out. i literally cannot take another second in this place. if i do i might just explode. i'm sick of teachers and homework and classes where i learn nothing. i'm sick of being afraid to go home, terrified of the fresh method of psychological torture my roommates will impress upon me.

before i came to college i didnt have thoughts of drowning myself or jumping in front of trains. i didn't cry for hours on end every day. i was happy. or at least happier than i am now. i just can't stay anywhere that makes this miserable. i'll be disappointing my entire family. my mom and grandparents and cousins; none of whom went to college.

i regret not having the balls to make this decision earlier; it's a lot of money that i've wasted doing this... but i have to do what i think is best for me, and i don't think school is it. i just hope my mother understands. she can be disappointed and upset, but i just want her to understand.