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im in need of venting, sooo
14 years ago
General
here goes..
i am determined to leave my old loser self in the dust. this deployment has helped me re-focus on what i need to do and what needs to be done. the first on my list was to get my fat ass into shape and start passing my pt tests again. when i got here, i had a failing pt score of 63-ish (i cant really remember, im so ashamed :( ).. i could barely run a mile, my waist was about 46 inches, and i weighed in at 247 pounds, 3 months later, my pt score is now 82.2, i can bust out 6 miles, my waist is 36.5 inches, and i weigh in at 207. im not going to stop untill i have reached 180 pounds, and pass pt with a 90 or above without worry.
everything else is waiting on my return home... its a lot of little crap that i neglected in my unfocoused and discouraged rambling. but little crap adds up. to the point that im afraid of losing my career.. if only i could have survived long enough to get out of alaska, the center of my issues. its really too bad, i love alaska, its just where i work is the worst place i could have imagined.
the base there is a tight knit community, and if you dont fit in, they find ways to beat you down and finally get you kicked out. when i got there, coming from a base that operated properly, i immediately voiced my concern about some things that i saw going on, and that immediately got me silenced and put in a tiny office (actually it wasnt even an office, it was a training room, and the computer i needed was frequently in use) with all the paperwork that had accumulated in the years that they had spent hunting, fishing, and drinking. there was a good 20 things that i was made in charge of (the work of three people, i find it laughable that they replaced me with that many). i have no idea if i fixed any of the broken programs, or made anything for that matter better over there.. i had no feedback on wether or not the work i was putting out was any good. i tried like hell. i had no real help and i had to learn everything myself. eventually i broke. i gave up on everything. including my health. i didnt want to do anything other than get home and drink (i didnt bother to get out of uniform in those dark days). i didnt want to be in the airforce anymore if it meant i was going to be the bitchboy for the rest of my carreer.
now that i am focused again, and in better shape, the real test of my mettle will be keeping this newfound hope and positive energy flowing. this deployment showed me that there is still right headed and intellegent people in the millitary, its just the base that i was at that was skewing my veiws on the way things worked. im so afraid of returning home. if i had a choice, i would be here years.
i am determined to leave my old loser self in the dust. this deployment has helped me re-focus on what i need to do and what needs to be done. the first on my list was to get my fat ass into shape and start passing my pt tests again. when i got here, i had a failing pt score of 63-ish (i cant really remember, im so ashamed :( ).. i could barely run a mile, my waist was about 46 inches, and i weighed in at 247 pounds, 3 months later, my pt score is now 82.2, i can bust out 6 miles, my waist is 36.5 inches, and i weigh in at 207. im not going to stop untill i have reached 180 pounds, and pass pt with a 90 or above without worry.
everything else is waiting on my return home... its a lot of little crap that i neglected in my unfocoused and discouraged rambling. but little crap adds up. to the point that im afraid of losing my career.. if only i could have survived long enough to get out of alaska, the center of my issues. its really too bad, i love alaska, its just where i work is the worst place i could have imagined.
the base there is a tight knit community, and if you dont fit in, they find ways to beat you down and finally get you kicked out. when i got there, coming from a base that operated properly, i immediately voiced my concern about some things that i saw going on, and that immediately got me silenced and put in a tiny office (actually it wasnt even an office, it was a training room, and the computer i needed was frequently in use) with all the paperwork that had accumulated in the years that they had spent hunting, fishing, and drinking. there was a good 20 things that i was made in charge of (the work of three people, i find it laughable that they replaced me with that many). i have no idea if i fixed any of the broken programs, or made anything for that matter better over there.. i had no feedback on wether or not the work i was putting out was any good. i tried like hell. i had no real help and i had to learn everything myself. eventually i broke. i gave up on everything. including my health. i didnt want to do anything other than get home and drink (i didnt bother to get out of uniform in those dark days). i didnt want to be in the airforce anymore if it meant i was going to be the bitchboy for the rest of my carreer.
now that i am focused again, and in better shape, the real test of my mettle will be keeping this newfound hope and positive energy flowing. this deployment showed me that there is still right headed and intellegent people in the millitary, its just the base that i was at that was skewing my veiws on the way things worked. im so afraid of returning home. if i had a choice, i would be here years.
