Hrmm... lost a friend, still unhappy about it. Sits in the back of my mind each day.
Thought there would be ways to contact her. Turns out they are merely detours from the truth.
It seems someone I care for is making a life, by throwing away all friends she has had for years and years. Even her boyfriend. And it seems that she has already replaced everyone. And blocked all those who love and care for her out.
The worst part is her new boyfriend has a reputation of grabbing girlfriends and discarding them, I've heard of many people that he's down that to, by looking at the women's journals.
And I am also agitated with many other things. The complacency in my life has left me feeling neither pleased or at peace... only a silent chaos. Conversations and even music is like static...
I could feel happy... but instead the only thing I want to do is hide in my own mind... and even then it would be like hell, as my own mind is a prison just like the world around me, and through this GOD DAMN STUPID COMPUTER!!!
All my friends are made through family IRL, and the friends on the internet I have discovered are hollow. They use you and discard you as if you were a crappy condom. I'M NOT MAKING A FUCKING JOKE EITHER!!! I hate all who discard friends and lovers for their own selfish agenda...
Yet at the same time I cannot help but desire such people. I want the old friendships back. I want peace and happiness. I want love. And I won't be getting any such things any time soon.
All things good are taken from me, and it is no different than with anyone else. I'm just surprised I'm lasting this long. Some people are even older than me. I wonder how this is even possible. These feelings are not meant to persist that long.