Why is that anytime I have a good day, it has to go and get ruined with something stupid and trivial. It's like I take far too much stock in having the little things go well and then I am devastated when they don't. For instance, I went on an errand for work today, which went smoothly albeit a little long, and everything was fine, until I got back to work with everything and then was bitched at for forgetting to bring the shopping list back. Another instance, today at dinner with some friends, Kiri and I had a little spat, which was fairly minor and resolved shortly afterwards, however, I still felt like shit afterwards. I still do, in fact. Its funny how everything can go as planned but a teeny tiny little thing can sour my mood, mostly for the fact that I can do nothing about it. This has been a trend ever since I moved here, and realistically, for several years. Is it just me getting older and expecting too much out of myself and the world around me? Or is it that I'm turning out to be more like my mother than I ever wanted to be and am going to end up wound up like an old clock and senile by the age of 40? Either way, I'm sick of it. I want it to change, but as cheery and chipper as I try to maintain myself, my old habit creeps up on me. No matter how hard I try to keep logic and reason the basis of all I do in order to spite my own emotions, something just has to send me over the edge. Fuck this...I'm tired of this bullshit. It doesn't help that no one around me seems to give a rat's ass what I care about, even if what I care about is them. I keep getting this nagging feeling that I'm unnecessary and there's nothing I hate more than that. Unwanted is one thing, I can deal with being unwanted. But unnecessary? I'm a third wheel everywhere I go, I'm just a tool for my friends to get what they want. An everdeep bank account if you will. No one seems to care that I do what I do because I want them to be happy or successful or better off than they were. I'm just there...

I'm tired, bed sounds nice right now, but I know for a fact that tomorrow isn't going to be any relief. I'm going to wake up feeling shitty, go to work feeling shitty, get bitched at for being shitty at work, then go home and feel worthless like I always do. Good night, cruel world. I hope fate smiles upon you as much as it tends to toy with me.