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HRT Fears
14 years ago
I guess to get down to it, I mean there is 2 days left until I start HRT. I have had signifficantly insufficient counseling as in MAYBE 6 appointments so I have not really gotten to speak with my therapist about my fears, well actualy I did once but she kind of blew them off... it seems therapists like to do that.
I guess what scares me the most is the fear of violence, more from men but either way violence in general. I've lived a life filled with lots of abuse and a great deal of violence. I have often had to fight to be able to exist in the school system. Fortunately despite being skinny I was always strong and that faithful surge of adrenaline would make me able to do unfeasable things. So for someone to tell me "Oh you won't experience violence" I don't want to hear from you because you're wrong. If there is one thing I know is a constant in life it's violence. When words fail people they throw fists to prove their point.
Rape and sexual abuse, another fact of life that I know exists and HRT will make me lose significant strength. Meaning I'm even MORE vulnerable to such things. I've been luck to get out of situations twice before but will I make a third? Honestly strength is the ONLY thing that I like about being male, knowing that no matter what happens I can summon up a burst of energy and do whatever is necessary... Maybe as a transgendered female on HRT I will still be able to do that but I hear almost ALL TG women talking about their significant loss of strength, and it's not hard to find violent crimes committed against TG women that they didn't get out of.
Then of course theres the lack of acceptance in society in general. Family doesn't bother me at this point but the rest of the world.... There's more fears but I'm worn out thinking of them. I hear alot that people don't transition for these reasons often... and I can't blame them. I'm still teetering myself even with just 2 days until I get exactly what I've always wanted and here I am thinking of backing out over fear. Fear is a powerful thing especially when it is backed up by real posabilities.
Edit: Pepperspray, guns, tasers, and pretty much weapons of any kind are illegal i Canada before you give me advice falling under american law. Canada disarms it's civillians.
Edit 2: Here are canada's prohibited weapons http://www.cbsa-asfc.gc.ca/publicat.....-eng.html#P002
I guess what scares me the most is the fear of violence, more from men but either way violence in general. I've lived a life filled with lots of abuse and a great deal of violence. I have often had to fight to be able to exist in the school system. Fortunately despite being skinny I was always strong and that faithful surge of adrenaline would make me able to do unfeasable things. So for someone to tell me "Oh you won't experience violence" I don't want to hear from you because you're wrong. If there is one thing I know is a constant in life it's violence. When words fail people they throw fists to prove their point.
Rape and sexual abuse, another fact of life that I know exists and HRT will make me lose significant strength. Meaning I'm even MORE vulnerable to such things. I've been luck to get out of situations twice before but will I make a third? Honestly strength is the ONLY thing that I like about being male, knowing that no matter what happens I can summon up a burst of energy and do whatever is necessary... Maybe as a transgendered female on HRT I will still be able to do that but I hear almost ALL TG women talking about their significant loss of strength, and it's not hard to find violent crimes committed against TG women that they didn't get out of.
Then of course theres the lack of acceptance in society in general. Family doesn't bother me at this point but the rest of the world.... There's more fears but I'm worn out thinking of them. I hear alot that people don't transition for these reasons often... and I can't blame them. I'm still teetering myself even with just 2 days until I get exactly what I've always wanted and here I am thinking of backing out over fear. Fear is a powerful thing especially when it is backed up by real posabilities.
Edit: Pepperspray, guns, tasers, and pretty much weapons of any kind are illegal i Canada before you give me advice falling under american law. Canada disarms it's civillians.
Edit 2: Here are canada's prohibited weapons http://www.cbsa-asfc.gc.ca/publicat.....-eng.html#P002
Well, in my country you're allowed pepper spray as long you have a valid reason. some people make their own pep spray (illegal) just to keep themselves safe.
well, if all else fails, there's still a rape whistle.
As for a rape whistle... that only works if people care enough to help you.
http://www.cbsa-asfc.gc.ca/publicat.....-eng.html#P002
I don't know what is a morning star but you can carry spikes.
Spikes are usually metal or plastic rods with a rounded off point used to strike pressure points.
I believe carrying one is alright, just give the centre of chest (solar plexus) or kidney a quick jab and run.
If you can't have it, just take a solid pen that is capable of taking punishments.
Another way is to learn martial arts; look up:
Krav Maga (they teach you disarming guns, knives, rifles <-- specialty)
Mixed Martial Arts (MMA-Mixing the some of the useful moves from various martial arts.)
Muai Tai (Focusing on jumping and using your body including elbows and knees to hurt someone badly)
Brazilian Ju jitsu (BJJ-arm locking, take downs specialties)
Wing Chun style (A chinese martial art from china designed specifically for females. various moves invented that is based on being balanced)
Don't worry you're not going to offend me by asking questions.
But a therapist not going into the problems? huh >.> that can't be a good one then. Therapists are meant for the patient to help the patients to find the answers for themselves, not to give them regulations or tell them what to think.
Hope you will be okay, there are still a lot of people thinking the same way as you.
Not all battles can be won with power and violence, but with smartness. Still the best is still to avoid unnecessary fights.
it seems u got urself in quite the ordeal... as some has stated, u could carry a consealed knife... one that u can access in the blink of an eye, and having even more awareness of who looks at u or of ur surroundings, being paranoid is being aware.. ferthermore.. this has been ur life long dream, feeling the jitters before the final countdown (plays the song) is perfecly normal.. but once u get through with the process you will be fine.. i believe in you Yuma.. i may be too trusting, but i know a strong heart when i see it.. i will always be here for guidense.. kay?
look, im 26, im married to a VERY hot women, and i have a 6 month old baby, i have my own apartment that i take care with my own strengh, i know a good a cutie when i see one..
Other wise I can teach you a few quick ways to get out of bad situations that require very little strength, I can also teach you some pressure point on the human body that can disarm a person long enough for you to either 1) escape or 2) get help.
That aside I know you are scared darling, but do not let the fear of what others may do or think keep you from doing what you've been striving for. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter what you where or who you are there is always going to be someone out there that disagrees and doesn't like it. So forget about those people and find the people who support you, and hold on to them. *hugs*
I'm glad you think so Miss Alice <3 I just want to make sure you are very well taken care of. And if any one DOES try to mess with you they will find themselves in a load of hurt when I magically show up and destroy them. Because I may be a girl, and I may be little, but I fight like a 200 pound man. You can thank my ex for that one hahaha
Good luck with the HRT, okay? I'm supporting you all the way! Even though I didn't know you were going to do it, but it doesn't matter =3
Once you've begun the change, keep your exercise up. It'll allow you to keep much of that strength you think you'll lose.
You could take up self defence classes too =3 I for one love a female who can defend herself =3 Heck, I didn't make Shira for nothing =3 Also, most self defence classes will teach you how to defend yourself with little to no strength.
Keep in touch. We'll try to help you in any way we can =D
I do feel that you will have a lot more of an issue with teasing than physical violence, verbal and mental, but you must remember to ignore it. If it gets to the point that there is almost inevitably going to be a fight, make the first hit at their nose. This will hurt like a bitch for them as well as make their eye's water severely making it hard for them to do anything. Be defensive, not aggressive. Never underestimate yourself. Don't worry about fair play either, use dirt and go for cheap shots as such as their privates if you must.
When you are fighting to escape and survive you have more strength than if you were simply trying to beat each other up.
To avoid confrontations try to stay around your friends.
*hugs* I really do appreciate the advice thank you so much
'You fee; sad, you feel happy, you feel hot, you feel cold, you feel anger you feel afraid. Fear can never kill you'.
To let fear rule you, is to not live your life fully, sis. You seem to have carry around a lot of fear, and honestly, I think one of your goals probably should be to work through it.
Of course, I'm not you - while my life has been tough, I haven't seen or experienced what you have. -But- if you let fear rule you, you really will miss out. You could end up being my age before you get through it (or older).
Those who live boldly, live fully.
Love you, sis! Let me know how the visit goes for you!
Either way I'm still going through with it. I've come too far and to not transition would kill me more than any fist or act of abuse could. You may not have been through everything I have but what your saying is just as applicapble and totally right. Thank you sis, as always. =^_^=