"its not worth your fucking time."
Fuck him, don't give him the time to make you feel bad. It's not worth you time."

These phrases have been repeated to me for the last five minutes by my brother. While he was mainly saying things to get me feeling better (and he does this in the most extreme of ways), he made me realize something.

It really doesn't matter.

I just had a hell of a day.
My alarm went off at 7, and I had not slept the night before because my Air conditioner is broken (or was this morning, it is fixed now).
Before I left for school, I left a note for my roommie about some things that were going on while we were gone. in the corner of the board was the electric bill and I had put a sign on it, Still owe $.

Now here is where the funny stuff happens.
All day I have been having conversational debate about who is paying the electric and who isn't.

Now, I have to deal with my dad getting remarried tomorrow to a woman that my brother adn I don't trust.
I have to help my dad and new step mother get ready for the wedding tomorrow, and I also have to worry about getting ready to move, getting ready to have surgery in August(finally), and a handful of private matters that I won't discuss.

All this has had me on a near breakdown moment.

Then I saw a journal, one that you see on occassion, about concerns and stuff in life. Sadly, it was the final straw that broke my back.
I was upset, angry and blinded by rage because of someone who really only did something that, on a normal day, would have just annoyed me.

I did the typical angry thing and ended up breaking my phone somewhat after making an angry call, and of course, typing angrily on the keyboard, thinking that with every hit i put into the keyboard, the reader would feel.
Then, after a random phone call from my brother, he brought a lot of things into perspective that made me realize something:

WHY THE FUCK AM I WORRIED OVER SOMETHING STUPID.

So, I responded and tried to mend my angry words, and still am in hopes that I haven't destroyed too much, but in the end, he's right.

I have a wedding tomorrow that is WAY more important than anything else going on. My dad is about to marry someone who, though I disapprove of, is going to help make him a happy man the rest of his life.
Why should I let one person do or say something that would ruin this.
and had my brother not called me, yes, I probably would have done something stupid while angry (I am not a good person to be around when angry).

I am graduating in the fall, adn I'll have a diploma that I need to focus on actually getting to. So why should I care if someone cannot pay a little money, in the end what's it to me?

I have elderly family who are slowly dying and probably won't be around for a few more years, why should I spend my time stressed over a molehill. I should instead focus on what matters, family.

I have a friend who is about to leave in two weeks, I should be trying to be concerned and worried about what is going to happen to him next, not whether or not he is going to be able to do something menial.
And it's to that friend I owe an apology to.
I never meant to get you so upset or ever make you feel shut out.
I never intended for you to be hurt.
I never should have let my anger get out of control.
I should be more worried on other things between us, like whether you're going to have enough socks when you go to keep your feet warm, or whether you'll have enough stuff to put your things in so you won't have to have loose bags. Or making sure that you get to eat crawfish and gumbo at least once before you go.


Thank you brother for helping me put things in perspective.