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(ignore.... just annoying bitching)
14 years ago
General
---Start---
dont you just FUCKING love how things go from bad to worse
to even worse, to crappy, to crap, to total shit, to fucking hell, to a spiraling plummit downwards into a seemingly endless abyss, to flying down a black casm of hopelessness, agony, dispair.... craving an eternal rest.... losing your mind....
dont you just FUCKING LOVE how things end up that way?
I find it absolutely fucking amasing how things can go so down hill so painfully FAST
and how shit takes FOREVER to geth ANY better? IF AT ALL!!!!!!!
dog, money, family, friends/school, mate..... everything constantly building one ontop of another!
I am so tempted to just make a noose!
i actually figured out how to do it without making the wire snap too!!!
EVERYTHING is trying to kill me at this point....
see, dog needs sergery, mom used money we dont have, putting us in the hole a few grand....
moms just a perpetual problem, brothers even worse... constantly picking fights and ruining everything physically possible, then getting screemed at my by dad becasue im aparently a fucking pussy for not being able to tolorate hour after hour after mother fucking out of a relentless, attention whore 10 year old that thinks the world revolves around him!!!! then more shit from my dad too! my little brother makes the living room a mess after i spent fucking hours cleaning it and making it absolutely fucking SPOTTLESS, and i get screamed at to clean up!!! my dad blames me for the messes even though i have fucking nothing to do with them!!!!
then the friends/school thing..... i like school because it keeps me occupied and away from my family, and alows me to conduct social exparaments and observe the population in smaller proportion. basically observe how people interact and what not.... and, the only time i see my friends is in school becayse shit gets in the way...... so basically, i am stranded with my family with little if anything to distract myself from either my family or the shit that goes on in my head!!! which has been getting fucking worse! and worse! and worse!!! oh, and i dont get to learn anything.... i like to learn to an extent...... OH! and i do my drawings in school and get most my insperation to draw/write there......
oh, and my mate freaked out, crying on live... theres a reason i try to get him to go to bed around 22/23:00
he gets all upset and cries easily when he stays up too late..... i blame myself for this one for keeping him up so we can talk....
then, talking to jp and miss jessica, me and connoes friends, for for a little, i kept getting reminded of just how painfully lonely i am.....
i am stressed as FUCK!!!!!!
i just want to die... im not even sure why, but i feel like i want to and should.....
well.... thats all my bitching and crying.....
doubt anyone read this all....
but thank you ttyl.... maybe
to even worse, to crappy, to crap, to total shit, to fucking hell, to a spiraling plummit downwards into a seemingly endless abyss, to flying down a black casm of hopelessness, agony, dispair.... craving an eternal rest.... losing your mind....
dont you just FUCKING LOVE how things end up that way?
I find it absolutely fucking amasing how things can go so down hill so painfully FAST
and how shit takes FOREVER to geth ANY better? IF AT ALL!!!!!!!
dog, money, family, friends/school, mate..... everything constantly building one ontop of another!
I am so tempted to just make a noose!
i actually figured out how to do it without making the wire snap too!!!
EVERYTHING is trying to kill me at this point....
see, dog needs sergery, mom used money we dont have, putting us in the hole a few grand....
moms just a perpetual problem, brothers even worse... constantly picking fights and ruining everything physically possible, then getting screemed at my by dad becasue im aparently a fucking pussy for not being able to tolorate hour after hour after mother fucking out of a relentless, attention whore 10 year old that thinks the world revolves around him!!!! then more shit from my dad too! my little brother makes the living room a mess after i spent fucking hours cleaning it and making it absolutely fucking SPOTTLESS, and i get screamed at to clean up!!! my dad blames me for the messes even though i have fucking nothing to do with them!!!!
then the friends/school thing..... i like school because it keeps me occupied and away from my family, and alows me to conduct social exparaments and observe the population in smaller proportion. basically observe how people interact and what not.... and, the only time i see my friends is in school becayse shit gets in the way...... so basically, i am stranded with my family with little if anything to distract myself from either my family or the shit that goes on in my head!!! which has been getting fucking worse! and worse! and worse!!! oh, and i dont get to learn anything.... i like to learn to an extent...... OH! and i do my drawings in school and get most my insperation to draw/write there......
oh, and my mate freaked out, crying on live... theres a reason i try to get him to go to bed around 22/23:00
he gets all upset and cries easily when he stays up too late..... i blame myself for this one for keeping him up so we can talk....
then, talking to jp and miss jessica, me and connoes friends, for for a little, i kept getting reminded of just how painfully lonely i am.....
i am stressed as FUCK!!!!!!
i just want to die... im not even sure why, but i feel like i want to and should.....
well.... thats all my bitching and crying.....
doubt anyone read this all....
but thank you ttyl.... maybe
Your family is being a bunch of fucking douches? Screw them! Your mom is spending money your family doesnt have, so maybe you could take matters into your own hands. Tell her that if she doesn't go through shit and sell something or find a way to get some cash, you will. As for your bro, douche-bags like him always get sense punched into their fucking heads before they turn 16! And your dad can pull that splintery stick out of his fucking as and be a fucking parent.
School is ending, so you'll be isolated from your friends and a break from your family. Just remember that you have friends on here and you can always find something educational to do on the internet. Swear to god if I lived near you, I'd convince my parents to let you stay in our spare room...
And don't blame yourself for your mate crying; he was tired and it wasn't your fault.
theres no way to escape my family..... they all fucking suck.......... the computer isnt always an option.... my laptop broke, im on my moms...
thank you
and... i cant help but blame myself for everything
You shouldn't blame yourself, none of this is your fault. You're an amazing person who unfortunately got stuck with a terrible family, but I have no doubt that you will accomplish great things once you don't have to deal with them! Stay strong.
And I know I've probably said this a thousand times, but I'm always willing to listen if you need to talk.
I can tell you dont think highly of yourself, but you should love yourself for all that you are. Big dreams mean you have a big heart, but what use is that if you can't open it up to who you are?
Take me for example; if I hadn't learned how to love myself, no matter the faults, do you think I could be here right now helping and supporting you? Probably not. I believe you can love yourself!
is that so wrong really?
how i keep from going and killing myself is by loosening my grip on reality and choosing to see the world in my head..... where peace exists... where magic exists... where REAL love is clearly in abundance.... a world not plagued by lusting and sadistic creatures and greed and evil.... i have crafted my mind in such a way that i dont go and kill people or myself.... kill others out of hate and anger and sadness.... myself out of hatred and emptiness......
in order to change who i am, that would require a tighter grip on reality.... facing problems in another way....
.........if i were to attempt to change, i would end up dead... so i shall stay as i am.... its better this way for just about everyone.....
It's hard to live in a world like this, so if you can't love yourself, I'll do it for you. Just promise me you won't let the bad things consume you; you have too much potential to fade away.
i hate this evil, disgust, revulting world....
if i had no imagination, i would have died long ago....
in my head, you couldnt even begin to fathom the masacres i have lead... how many evil were slain.... how peaceful it is and how well it works.....
it has fields of beautiful flowers and soft grass that stretch on far beyond what the eye can see, but they grow out of blood stained soil....
forgive if no sense do i make... this mind of mine isnt well working at this moment.... varying personalities are trying to take control of my vessle, and my emotions are all over the spectrum....
I used to have a world in my mind to escape to when things got tough, but it's just a memory now. I see the world with different eyes now and have been living in it's evil without being consumed. It's hard to do, but not impossible...
thats why i have a world my own
I'm sorry if I'm sounding insensitive or some thing, just being reminded of not so happy times...
as for the rest, the make the world theirss.... getting knocked up every othr day, having drunk parties at eachothers house every week, getting eveything they could ever want with no effort what so ever......
ill try my best
try to stay strong your friends are here for you.