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From now on, you can’t tell lies- MEME
14 years ago
General
"We are made to persist."
From now on, you can’t tell lies, are you ready?
Very
Think back eight months ago, were you single?
Nope
What do you carry with you at all times?
My first chainmaille bracelet
Are you a cuddler?
Hell yes.
What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
I honestly don't know; other than dirty socks, I suspect you'd find wrappers, paper, other household debris, and probably one or two things I've been looking for for months c.c
Who was the last person of the opposite sex you text messaged?
My mother.
How are you feeling?
Very chill, in spite of being on my third cup of coffee.
Is something wrong right now?
Yes. There are many, many things wrong, Right Now.
Are you mad at someone?
Not in any overt way, but I could be harboring animosity toward someone. I'm in a good mood, so I'm not really looking for it.
How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
If you take care of yourself, or at least your hygeine, then everything else is details. Although if you're horribly disfigured I'll try not to stare; it's not shock so much as morbid fascination, I promise.
What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
That is a toss-up.... between something motivational that improved my mood, someone from Iceland saying that I'm the best thing in the U.S. that he's aware of and a canadian friend agreeing with him, and having a friend over.
How many TRUE best friends do you have?
Oh I don't want to play favorites, but I have a very tight-knit circle of half a dozen people I'd call my best friends, and even them I get sick of after a while.
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Definitely.
How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?
Okay, since we're obviously looking at romantic attachments here, and I'm gay, We're going to adjust this a little. I've felt the need to release emotion for three people I've ever been involved with. However, I haven't shed a single tear in grief since I was about thirteen. I'm not proud of this, and I've come close several times, but normally what most people call crying, I do a little differently. I have to translate emotional pain or distress into a tangible sensation in order to deal with it, and I have several ways of doing this. Not all of them are really psychologically healthy.
Where is your number one friend on your friends list?
Uhhhh... I'm not sure I understand the question. I don't use any social networking sites with an enumerated friends list, but number one would be my man,
pantherapacific
Do you have anyone crushing on you?
Yes, and that's pretty normal for me actually. Not to sound too self-centered but I'd actually be more worried if I didn't.
When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex?
Thanksgiving of 2010.
Do you sleep with the TV on?
No. I do, however, sleep with a string of christmas lights, a fan, and sometimes a lamp on. I have developed, over several years, an extreme fear of being alone in the dark.
Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Yes actually.
Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
No, as far as I know I haven't. I've passed out behind the counter at my old job, and also in the walk-in cooler, and a great many other places for a number of reasons, but never on the bathroom floor.
Are you jealous of someone right now?
Honestly? Yes. Yes I am. I am extremely jealous of several people.
Where is the person you like right now?
At his apartment.
What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
My cigarette.
What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Exactly what I am doing right now.
What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
That gray thing inside of their skull, provided they use it. Also, I'm a face guy, but I also dig the total package. If I like a person, everything about them attracts me.
Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yes.
Could you handle a long distance relationship?
I have been for the last four years and four months.
Could you cry right now?
No.
Are you okay with the life you live?
No. I am most definitely not okay with my life as it is right now.
Did you enjoy your day today?
Somewhat.
Do you have a tattoo?
I have an inked scarification on my left ankle that reads "Love is Suicide" overlaying a phrase in russian which translates to "I will always love you". It's barely legible, but I know it's there, and it was inspired by way too much alcohol and a very bad break-up with my ex fiance'. I find it meaningful; To love someone is to give your heart to them and trust them not to destroy it. Even if they do, I'll keep trying to put it back together and give it away for as long as I'm alive enough to do so.
Would you ever get any piercings on your body, other than your ear?
I might, but having a piercing is a tactical disadvantage in a fight, and one I would exploit. I have to assume anyone else would take similar advantage of any pieces of metal embedded in my flesh as well, and frankly that keeps me from doing it. The last thing I need is another thing for someone to grab hold of and hurt me with if I ever have to defend my life.
Ever had a song sang about/for you?
I've been sung for, by my mother when I was little. In my adult life, I'm usually the one doing the singing.
What was the last thing you spent money for?
Good God... the last thing I spent my own money for.... Honestly it was probably either art supplies or a pack of cigarettes. I don't have money that often.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
A friend of mine, or my mother, depending on when I post this.
Do you call it fall or autumn?
I never paid much attention to it. Fall, I think, mostly.
11:11… Make a wish?
Huh. Okay.
Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
I am profoundly UN-happy most of the time, and it's usually the result of my own actions if that happens to change. Among other people I'm in regular contact with, it's about even in frequency, though in quality of happiness my mate wins.
What were you up to at 9pm last night?
Watching a movie, I suspect.
Do you hold grudges?
As much as I try not to, it seems pretty rational to hold certain harmful actions against their perpetrators. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Many a time.
What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
I encourage relationships regardless of the sexual orientation of the members of the relationship, as long as they're happy and not killing each other slowly or wasting eachother's lives, more power to them
Who was your last text from?
Ari.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Often. Let me tell you, it doesn't stop at rock bottom, either. You can keep sinking; the pressure will crush you, the darkness will smother your reason, and the excruciating heat or relentless cold can destroy every scrap of your humanity. Rock bottom looks pretty damn good from there.
One thing you’re looking forward to?
At this moment, I have nothing to look forward to with any certainty, other than a visitor I'm having this evening.
Are you shy at first when it comes to meeting people?
Shy isn't the word. If you've ever seen an abused animal sizing up a new human, it's very much like that, only I'm (thankfully) much better at appraising new people.
Has anyone ever called you sexy?
Yes, and I often question their judgement (he says, cocking an eyebrow and smirking wryly)
What color is your camera?
I don't have a camera, but the one I borrow frequently is red.
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Exceptionally so. I honestly would rather not hide them most of the time. However, I seem to feel emotions differently compared to other people; I find it difficult to actually convey them appropriately at all. The one emotion that I think I have trouble hiding, however, is discomfort. I always feel like, if I'm uncomfortable, I'm wearing it on my sleeve so to speak. Like everyone can tell, even if there's no obvious sign that they can.
Are you wasting your time on someone?
I like to think that no one in my aquaintance is a waste of my time, but I know that's probably nto true. If it's not true though, and I am actually wasting my time on anyone, I don't regret the time lost; So could it really be said to be a waste?
Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to?
Yes, but it's usually nothing malicious.
By the way, what is your name?
Nominus Expers. If you want the name on my driver's license, I suggest you get to know me first. I introduce myself as Nominus to most people these days, though often enough my reputation (and my name of choice) preceeds me when I meet new people.
Are you currently in a relationship?
Yes.
Do you give out second chances too easily?
Yes. Actually, I give numbers of chances that people probably don't deserve, only because I believe that as long as there's a breath in their body, there is hope that they will change. I'm very patient, and doggedly tenacious; I don't give up on people without a hell of a fight.
What color is your favorite hoodie?
Grey.
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I look forward to every chance I get for a repeat performance.
Very
Think back eight months ago, were you single?
Nope
What do you carry with you at all times?
My first chainmaille bracelet
Are you a cuddler?
Hell yes.
What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
I honestly don't know; other than dirty socks, I suspect you'd find wrappers, paper, other household debris, and probably one or two things I've been looking for for months c.c
Who was the last person of the opposite sex you text messaged?
My mother.
How are you feeling?
Very chill, in spite of being on my third cup of coffee.
Is something wrong right now?
Yes. There are many, many things wrong, Right Now.
Are you mad at someone?
Not in any overt way, but I could be harboring animosity toward someone. I'm in a good mood, so I'm not really looking for it.
How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
If you take care of yourself, or at least your hygeine, then everything else is details. Although if you're horribly disfigured I'll try not to stare; it's not shock so much as morbid fascination, I promise.
What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
That is a toss-up.... between something motivational that improved my mood, someone from Iceland saying that I'm the best thing in the U.S. that he's aware of and a canadian friend agreeing with him, and having a friend over.
How many TRUE best friends do you have?
Oh I don't want to play favorites, but I have a very tight-knit circle of half a dozen people I'd call my best friends, and even them I get sick of after a while.
Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Definitely.
How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?
Okay, since we're obviously looking at romantic attachments here, and I'm gay, We're going to adjust this a little. I've felt the need to release emotion for three people I've ever been involved with. However, I haven't shed a single tear in grief since I was about thirteen. I'm not proud of this, and I've come close several times, but normally what most people call crying, I do a little differently. I have to translate emotional pain or distress into a tangible sensation in order to deal with it, and I have several ways of doing this. Not all of them are really psychologically healthy.
Where is your number one friend on your friends list?
Uhhhh... I'm not sure I understand the question. I don't use any social networking sites with an enumerated friends list, but number one would be my man,
pantherapacificDo you have anyone crushing on you?
Yes, and that's pretty normal for me actually. Not to sound too self-centered but I'd actually be more worried if I didn't.
When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex?
Thanksgiving of 2010.
Do you sleep with the TV on?
No. I do, however, sleep with a string of christmas lights, a fan, and sometimes a lamp on. I have developed, over several years, an extreme fear of being alone in the dark.
Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Yes actually.
Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
No, as far as I know I haven't. I've passed out behind the counter at my old job, and also in the walk-in cooler, and a great many other places for a number of reasons, but never on the bathroom floor.
Are you jealous of someone right now?
Honestly? Yes. Yes I am. I am extremely jealous of several people.
Where is the person you like right now?
At his apartment.
What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
My cigarette.
What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Exactly what I am doing right now.
What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
That gray thing inside of their skull, provided they use it. Also, I'm a face guy, but I also dig the total package. If I like a person, everything about them attracts me.
Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yes.
Could you handle a long distance relationship?
I have been for the last four years and four months.
Could you cry right now?
No.
Are you okay with the life you live?
No. I am most definitely not okay with my life as it is right now.
Did you enjoy your day today?
Somewhat.
Do you have a tattoo?
I have an inked scarification on my left ankle that reads "Love is Suicide" overlaying a phrase in russian which translates to "I will always love you". It's barely legible, but I know it's there, and it was inspired by way too much alcohol and a very bad break-up with my ex fiance'. I find it meaningful; To love someone is to give your heart to them and trust them not to destroy it. Even if they do, I'll keep trying to put it back together and give it away for as long as I'm alive enough to do so.
Would you ever get any piercings on your body, other than your ear?
I might, but having a piercing is a tactical disadvantage in a fight, and one I would exploit. I have to assume anyone else would take similar advantage of any pieces of metal embedded in my flesh as well, and frankly that keeps me from doing it. The last thing I need is another thing for someone to grab hold of and hurt me with if I ever have to defend my life.
Ever had a song sang about/for you?
I've been sung for, by my mother when I was little. In my adult life, I'm usually the one doing the singing.
What was the last thing you spent money for?
Good God... the last thing I spent my own money for.... Honestly it was probably either art supplies or a pack of cigarettes. I don't have money that often.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
A friend of mine, or my mother, depending on when I post this.
Do you call it fall or autumn?
I never paid much attention to it. Fall, I think, mostly.
11:11… Make a wish?
Huh. Okay.
Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
I am profoundly UN-happy most of the time, and it's usually the result of my own actions if that happens to change. Among other people I'm in regular contact with, it's about even in frequency, though in quality of happiness my mate wins.
What were you up to at 9pm last night?
Watching a movie, I suspect.
Do you hold grudges?
As much as I try not to, it seems pretty rational to hold certain harmful actions against their perpetrators. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Many a time.
What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
I encourage relationships regardless of the sexual orientation of the members of the relationship, as long as they're happy and not killing each other slowly or wasting eachother's lives, more power to them
Who was your last text from?
Ari.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Often. Let me tell you, it doesn't stop at rock bottom, either. You can keep sinking; the pressure will crush you, the darkness will smother your reason, and the excruciating heat or relentless cold can destroy every scrap of your humanity. Rock bottom looks pretty damn good from there.
One thing you’re looking forward to?
At this moment, I have nothing to look forward to with any certainty, other than a visitor I'm having this evening.
Are you shy at first when it comes to meeting people?
Shy isn't the word. If you've ever seen an abused animal sizing up a new human, it's very much like that, only I'm (thankfully) much better at appraising new people.
Has anyone ever called you sexy?
Yes, and I often question their judgement (he says, cocking an eyebrow and smirking wryly)
What color is your camera?
I don't have a camera, but the one I borrow frequently is red.
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Exceptionally so. I honestly would rather not hide them most of the time. However, I seem to feel emotions differently compared to other people; I find it difficult to actually convey them appropriately at all. The one emotion that I think I have trouble hiding, however, is discomfort. I always feel like, if I'm uncomfortable, I'm wearing it on my sleeve so to speak. Like everyone can tell, even if there's no obvious sign that they can.
Are you wasting your time on someone?
I like to think that no one in my aquaintance is a waste of my time, but I know that's probably nto true. If it's not true though, and I am actually wasting my time on anyone, I don't regret the time lost; So could it really be said to be a waste?
Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to?
Yes, but it's usually nothing malicious.
By the way, what is your name?
Nominus Expers. If you want the name on my driver's license, I suggest you get to know me first. I introduce myself as Nominus to most people these days, though often enough my reputation (and my name of choice) preceeds me when I meet new people.
Are you currently in a relationship?
Yes.
Do you give out second chances too easily?
Yes. Actually, I give numbers of chances that people probably don't deserve, only because I believe that as long as there's a breath in their body, there is hope that they will change. I'm very patient, and doggedly tenacious; I don't give up on people without a hell of a fight.
What color is your favorite hoodie?
Grey.
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I look forward to every chance I get for a repeat performance.
"That's how we find out who we are."
Do You Like Metal?
Art I owe people:
wildmark- Ongoing project
mitsozuka- Reference Sheet
foxystallion- Ongoing project
Do You Like Metal?
Art I owe people:
wildmark- Ongoing project
mitsozuka- Reference Sheet
foxystallion- Ongoing project
Honesty is a sacred virtue to me.
Think back eight months ago, were you single?
Yes, and have been since 2006.
What do you carry with you at all times?
My necklace and earring.
Are you a cuddler?
Not really. I was never one to be a cuddler and didn't really understand or enjoy the feeling.
What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
The carpet since my bed is a makeshift futon on the floor.
Who was the last person of the opposite sex you text messaged?
Probably my mother.
How are you feeling?
Tired. Simply put, I am always feeling tired. But in ways more than physically. Psychologically.
Is something wrong right now?
Not really, no. The most I could say is that I'm lonely living in this apartment with no one to hang with and nowhere to go.
Are you mad at someone?
I haven't been mad at anyone since I was a child. I got over that idea after I got out of grade school.
How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
In a way, yes. Because it signifies how much they care about themselves. If they don't care enough about themselves, they will call themselves ugly and see to it in every way possible that their own self-perceived judgement is rightly placed.
What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Nothing notable has happened so far today. It's likely to be another one of those uneventful days.
How many TRUE best friends do you have?
I think maybe 2. 3? I couldn't say about a third...
How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?
None. I've never felt the need to.
Where is your number one friend on your friends list?
Currently, he lives in some podunk town in the middle of Ohio.
Do you have anyone crushing on you?
No one that I know of.
When was the last time you talked to your most recent ex?
Probably months ago on Facebook. We get along fine like age-old friends.
Do you sleep with the TV on?
I don't have cable.
Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Nope. I see no aesthetic reason to.
Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
I did while I was in the Army during basic training. Exhaustion, chills, and psychological weariness.
Are you jealous of someone right now?
If I could say that, I would be a little jealous of everyone who has friends they can talk to or count on to be there. But being jealous, I find shallow. Especially for something like this.
Where is the person you like right now?
I don't have any such persons.
What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
Wow, dirty implication vibe here. I was last drinking kool-aid.
What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Writing assignments for my biology and sociology classes.
What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex's body?
I'm a little unsure what to pick. Something gender specific? I don't honestly care really. I like hips though, but that's not isolated by gender.
Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yeah, but not for reasons this question I feel is implying.
Could you handle a long distance relationship?
I could, but it would seem anyone I meet lacks the maturity for something like that to make it matter; let alone last.
Could you cry right now?
Why? What reason would I have for something like that?
Are you okay with the life you live?
Not really. I need to change things, but much of the circumstantial problems of the world at large and local are holding me back from progress. That and my arthritis has been a persistent antagonist in my life...
Did you enjoy your day today?
It's 10:22 in the morning. My day doesn't end till midnight.
Do you have a tattoo?
No, but I've pondered the idea of what to get.
Would you ever get any piercings on your body, other than your ear?
Nah. I prefer just my ear.
Ever had a song sang about/for you?
I don't think so, no.
What was the last thing you spent money for?
Groceries. It's about all I can spend my money on.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
I think it was my father. I can't entirely remember if it was him or one of my councilors from my college.
Do you call it fall or autumn?
Autumn. No real reason behind it.
11:11… Make a wish?
People make a wish at 11:11? Wishes don't make your dreams come true. Ambition makes your dreams true.
Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
I don't honestly know. It was my friends collectively who made me happy. But now that I have so few, it's hard to say.
What were you up to at 9pm last night?
Sitting down to dinner while trying to find ways of distracting myself from my boredom and disappointment.
Do you hold grudges?
Though I don't get mad at people, I do get even.
Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
I've been away for 104 hours straight.
What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
Go for it if that's what you want. Nothing; no man or woman's ideals in the world should stop you.
Who was your last text from?
A friend of mine who lives just outside of Kentucky, letting me know my server was knocked offline.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Often, but I know the feeling is an illusion. Things can always get worse. I thought I was at the end when I was in basic training, losing my mind to the impermeable shell of anxiety I was trapped in. I would expect the worst and often get it in double.
One thing you’re looking forward to?
I have nothing to look forward to other than finding work.
Are you shy at first when it comes to meeting people?
Sort of. More often than not, people don't know what to say to me and seem to avoid me.
Has anyone ever called you sexy?
Plenty of people have. I don't know if they meant it or if the drugs and booze was talking.
What color is your camera?
I don't own a camera.
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
I think I was born an actor.
Are you wasting your time on someone?
Nope.
Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to?
Plenty. But the conversations never go past me unless it's to my own benefit.
By the way, what is your name?
My name doesn't have meaning. I was named after my father's best friend from his childhood. A person I never met and someone my father has all but forgotten. Named after some wash-up hack calling himself a doctor who is kind of arrogant and can't manage money. But I refuse to acknowledge by this man's name which I was given. People know me as Moddex Everest and that's what I plan to stick to.
Are you currently in a relationship?
Given the past Q&A I've responded to, do you really think I am?
Do you give out second chances too easily?
Almost to a fault. But I think I've stopped that and have almost become unforgiving.
What color is your favorite hoodie?
White, with teal and light blue lines and checkering.
Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
No. She has found someone else who can make her happier than whatever I cared to. Plus, she was a sloppy kisser anyway... Ugh...
I was hoping to find work in a place like this, but it's now going on 5 months since moving in here and so far, no luck. Been sort of isolated ever since. Meanwhile, I'm due to complete college by July 17th with an associate's degree in hand. Should add to my chances of finding work in this city. Unemployment's been very bad out here with a rough 11%.
I have no way of knowing whether it's just because I'm psychologically disturbed, or because there is something legitimately malign about my environment, or some combination of the two. My house was originally moved from a more violent, emotionally toxic part of town. It was unfit for occupation, and it felt like people had died here, but it was free. Can't argue with getting a house for nothing but what it costs to move it and renovate, right?
I've been blessing and purifying this place periodically for years now, and not by myself, either. Every time I do it, it helps for a while, but eventually the place goes right back to being really unpleasant at night, to the point that being in the dark by myself in other places bothers me even if I can't sense anything wrong.
My own spaces in the house, and in particular wherever it is I happen to do the majority of my painting or other creative work, is continuously being pumped full of that creative energy and positive association. It's low maintenance, but I'm continuously aligning that space to a higher degree of symmetry where the rest of the house tends to fall into neglect much more quickly. If I were to give the rest of the house even a few minutes every morning, I wonder if it wouldn't improve.
And there's a psychological component to it; I'm bipolar, and my particular variety of bipolar includes psychosis if I'm stressed out enough, or having severe enough mood swings. I haven't been that bad in a long time, but panicking in the absence of light is usually a sign that I'm heading in that direction. Ritual would actually be of benefit in both cases though; it's something I can do in a situation where I otherwise feel helpless. The act of doing something, no matter how much or how little impact it might have, would be empowering in and of itself. That would in turn alleviate some of the stress I experience, which would in turn alleviate some of the more serious symptoms of my personal mental hell.
Thank you, for commenting. I think you may have just given me a substantial shove in the right direction, as well as having revealed something I've been overlooking for a good long while now.