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Every bit of armour as its weak spot
14 years ago
General
This was written last week, just before i submitted all the artwork. But i wanted to keep it all original.
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Hey there to all my viewers/watchers/stalkers.
It certainly has been a long time since i have written a journal or put up a submission. Lets face it, I'm pretty slack like that. I much prefer to talk to folks directly, letting you/them know that i appreciate their art work or their opinion or just to let them know that i understand how they are feeling.
So as much as i try to be the guy who helps everyone where i can, i pretty much put myself last in the grand order of things. I see my little "goal" as being the "go to guy". Someone people can go to with their problems and have a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen etc. I'm rather quite proud on how i conduct myself with those i talk to whether I've known them for five minutes or five years, so far i have talked a few people from the choice of suicide....a bit morbid i know. I conduct myself as well as i can, so when people need help they will say "hey that vamero guy...hes got his shit together" as i want people to be happy, I've had times where i have been down and in dark places and what got my through that was close friends support.
However, last night was a very strange night for me. It showed me that i really am quite shallow and that i need to put myself in a higher standing. I was recently contacted by a old mate of mine who knew my ex boyfriend well. It was good to hear from him as he told me the latest goss on his life.
Him and his girlfriend are doing well,
My ex was...and still is a backstabbing little gutless fuck. Who felt it better to cheat on me for a month and dump me just before our anniversary only to put his girlfriend on his face book three weeks later....yeah, real stylish.
As i listened to him it brought back a whole lot of emotions that i thought i had dealt with and no longer were an issue.
Shortly after the conversation was over, i felt quite lost, alone and ripped off.
Ripped off that I'm not able to fit the "mold of society" i.e. find a girl, get together, get married, family etc... Believe me, i have tried to be "normal" and i just couldn't enjoy it, i felt like i was a fraud and living a lie. Before i go on, let me say this. I love my boyfriend so much, he makes me feel incredible and special. That I'm the luckiest guy in the world and the feeling grows more everyday! Just now...I'm alone at home for awhile till he comes to visit again which lead me to dwell how hard this is.
As i look back on what i have just typed I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, except last night in the space of six hours i went from a cheerful guy who had everything going right, to crying my eyes out, burning my dinner and needing to call a close long time friend of mine for a bit of support.
With all this....i have to admit that no, I'm not superman, I'm not the knight in shining armor, I'm far from perfect and i too have days that just totally suck and make me feel like crap. But it finally kicked in, that some of those people i have helped in the past were there for me....
Thank you everyone for just being there to make this guy feel pretty special even due to my flaws.
Cheers,
Vamero.
***************************************************************************************
Hey there to all my viewers/watchers/stalkers.
It certainly has been a long time since i have written a journal or put up a submission. Lets face it, I'm pretty slack like that. I much prefer to talk to folks directly, letting you/them know that i appreciate their art work or their opinion or just to let them know that i understand how they are feeling.
So as much as i try to be the guy who helps everyone where i can, i pretty much put myself last in the grand order of things. I see my little "goal" as being the "go to guy". Someone people can go to with their problems and have a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen etc. I'm rather quite proud on how i conduct myself with those i talk to whether I've known them for five minutes or five years, so far i have talked a few people from the choice of suicide....a bit morbid i know. I conduct myself as well as i can, so when people need help they will say "hey that vamero guy...hes got his shit together" as i want people to be happy, I've had times where i have been down and in dark places and what got my through that was close friends support.
However, last night was a very strange night for me. It showed me that i really am quite shallow and that i need to put myself in a higher standing. I was recently contacted by a old mate of mine who knew my ex boyfriend well. It was good to hear from him as he told me the latest goss on his life.
Him and his girlfriend are doing well,
My ex was...and still is a backstabbing little gutless fuck. Who felt it better to cheat on me for a month and dump me just before our anniversary only to put his girlfriend on his face book three weeks later....yeah, real stylish.
As i listened to him it brought back a whole lot of emotions that i thought i had dealt with and no longer were an issue.
Shortly after the conversation was over, i felt quite lost, alone and ripped off.
Ripped off that I'm not able to fit the "mold of society" i.e. find a girl, get together, get married, family etc... Believe me, i have tried to be "normal" and i just couldn't enjoy it, i felt like i was a fraud and living a lie. Before i go on, let me say this. I love my boyfriend so much, he makes me feel incredible and special. That I'm the luckiest guy in the world and the feeling grows more everyday! Just now...I'm alone at home for awhile till he comes to visit again which lead me to dwell how hard this is.
As i look back on what i have just typed I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, except last night in the space of six hours i went from a cheerful guy who had everything going right, to crying my eyes out, burning my dinner and needing to call a close long time friend of mine for a bit of support.
With all this....i have to admit that no, I'm not superman, I'm not the knight in shining armor, I'm far from perfect and i too have days that just totally suck and make me feel like crap. But it finally kicked in, that some of those people i have helped in the past were there for me....
Thank you everyone for just being there to make this guy feel pretty special even due to my flaws.
Cheers,
Vamero.
I really do need to have some me time.
And i do consider you a really good friend, it would be good that you were closer mate....it would be nice to chill out with a mate.
and if you dont want to talk about it, i wanna talk to ya' anyways..
just send me a message on skype if you feel like it..
*working on the comic*
Im feeling better now, but i still would love to chat to ya again.
*huggles tight* thanks alot hon, means lots to me!
But no problem Vammy! ^^ *huggs*
Your awesome thanks!
*hugs*
*cuddles*
such a minefield...
good to see you're in a good one now though, mr wuffles ^.^
and on a random note, those odd monsters i mentioned at furdu - they're called 'monster extra strength' and use what they're calling 'nitrous technology'... basically nitrogenated water instead of carbonated water :P they're in smaller cans, but are just as strong... cans are orange and light green :)
Great to here from ya mate, its been awhile. Yeah I've tried both, their ok i guess. I prefer normal monster or monster import.
More research is needed!