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High standards and low expectations
14 years ago
What an unusual combination. It's amazingly frustrating too.
I put down my work because I know I can do better. I compare myself to the standard I think I need to be at in order to get a good job. I need to do better. I need to BE better because I've had horrible luck claiming a job. My persistent track to get that first job has consumed me so much that I totally lose track of the person I want to be. I think about what employers want. I think about what I should say to them. They don't want to hear you complain. They don't want to hear you put down team mates. They don't want to hear about what you struggle with doing. They don't want your faults. You become a machine - fake - bland - part of the production line - lacking personality. Performance is everything. What can you do and say under pressure?
I confess my faults and tell what I feel in my heart instead of what I know I should say to get the job. My heart tells me I'm not good enough. I tell them I'm not good enough to do that. I can't do this very well. I can't work very fast. I'm a perfectionist and that's bad because I am slow. I beat myself up because nobody has given me a chance.
Nobody puts me forward ahead of the rest of the people I have to work with. I lead them because nobody else will step forward. Nobody wants to make decisions. Nobody will commit to an idea. Nobody is creative. They all want to be told what to do. They can't write proper English. They can't go out of their way to try a little harder than average. They're not very good at it so they wont try. I fill in the blanks. I do what I can without giving people enough of a chance to try because they don't step forward and volunteer their skills. Am I bossy? Am I too proactive? Do I care too much? How do I stand up out of these to get that job when I can only show the work that I have done with them?
Employers don't want to hear this. You've only had good experiences. You're a good team player. You have strong leadership and organizational skills. You can do everything. You can learn fast and you remember everything. You want to work for them because you follow everything they believe in. You know when they donated 200,000 dollars to the childrens hospital in 2007. You can get a reference from your teachers because you stood out in class as an outstanding student.
I expect so little of myself and others, and yet I have high standards to perform because I need to.
I just.. :(
Sorry - my brain just needed to leak a bit.
I put down my work because I know I can do better. I compare myself to the standard I think I need to be at in order to get a good job. I need to do better. I need to BE better because I've had horrible luck claiming a job. My persistent track to get that first job has consumed me so much that I totally lose track of the person I want to be. I think about what employers want. I think about what I should say to them. They don't want to hear you complain. They don't want to hear you put down team mates. They don't want to hear about what you struggle with doing. They don't want your faults. You become a machine - fake - bland - part of the production line - lacking personality. Performance is everything. What can you do and say under pressure?
I confess my faults and tell what I feel in my heart instead of what I know I should say to get the job. My heart tells me I'm not good enough. I tell them I'm not good enough to do that. I can't do this very well. I can't work very fast. I'm a perfectionist and that's bad because I am slow. I beat myself up because nobody has given me a chance.
Nobody puts me forward ahead of the rest of the people I have to work with. I lead them because nobody else will step forward. Nobody wants to make decisions. Nobody will commit to an idea. Nobody is creative. They all want to be told what to do. They can't write proper English. They can't go out of their way to try a little harder than average. They're not very good at it so they wont try. I fill in the blanks. I do what I can without giving people enough of a chance to try because they don't step forward and volunteer their skills. Am I bossy? Am I too proactive? Do I care too much? How do I stand up out of these to get that job when I can only show the work that I have done with them?
Employers don't want to hear this. You've only had good experiences. You're a good team player. You have strong leadership and organizational skills. You can do everything. You can learn fast and you remember everything. You want to work for them because you follow everything they believe in. You know when they donated 200,000 dollars to the childrens hospital in 2007. You can get a reference from your teachers because you stood out in class as an outstanding student.
I expect so little of myself and others, and yet I have high standards to perform because I need to.
I just.. :(
Sorry - my brain just needed to leak a bit.
But I feel for you, I know how it goes. Good luck regardless :(
I put my soul and energy into it, get interviews now and then and I still never get that "final" call for a drug test.
Even now, I am looking at other options of revenue because I am so discouraged from job hunting.
Its like they want robots that have no brains what-so-ever that will allow supervisors and owners to humiliate them just for the company's interest.
I hit this point once. Only once. I'm done trying to cater to the world around me when all it does is try to kick me in the teeth and not give me anything to show for it.
You don't deserve to be mentally warped because of an industry that doesn't actually want you to begin with. There's a problem with telling people what they want to hear. Everybody does it.
No one tells the truth about their actual capabilities and because of that, everyone's trying to become something they're not and ruining themselves in the process. No paycheck is worth this.
I'm in a sensitive situation. I don't work, I have no intention of doing so unless a job is handed to me. Point blank. Why? Because I've wasted years worth of time, effort, and personal health and have nothing to show for it today.
So I did it myself.
I left my old home, the one that was draining me of all usefulness, the one that wouldn't give me a chance despite all the connections and the knowledge of the area I had. I couldn't find shit there. So i moved, abruptly, forcibly. I needed to change my environment lest my native one actually succeed in killing me. I left the state and now live with my mate in a place that even though is draining me dry, is still showing me some personal respect and opportunity. I moved from isolation and destitution, to an internet connection and welfare stamps for food. and that is STILL an improvement over what I came from.
I'm rambling now but my point is this: Stop trying so hard. You're going to crumble. NO one is this strong and there's no way you're gonna make it if you don't prevent yourself from falling apart, which from the looks of things, is well on its way to happening.
Are you actually advising him to stop looking for a job he potentially needs? And then suggest that he's well on his way to crumbling? I'm not sure how you think you're helping him...
Anyway, back to reality, it's true that jobs are frustrating things and searching/applying for them is even more frustrating. I'm not sure of your exact circumstances so I can't definitively advise you one way or another, but from what you've written I can see a lot of myself in you, at least the perfectionistic/self-defeating aspect. Before I got my first job, I hated applying for jobs I didn't feel qualified for and felt guilty each time I had to slightly exaggerate a credential to make myself stand out. I had no experience and didn't think I'd be able to work in a fast-paced environment given my slow-and-steady approach to most tasks. It was a real mess to try to get through.
However, after I pestered and pestered one retail outlet after getting an interview, I finally landed my first 'real' job. The first few weeks were nerve-wracking and frustrating; I was confused a lot and had to ask a lot of 'dumb' questions. However, after a little while, things started to become second-nature and the job became easier and less stressful. In fact, I found that I could perform tasks quicker and more efficiently than my co-workers, even though they had been there much longer.
Every job, whether it's research, retail, sales, healthcare, (etc.), has a learning curve. Applying for jobs is always uncomfortable. However, things are almost always worse in your own head than they actually turn out to be, and you have to push past your inhibitions and fears so that you can get a paycheck. I don't like it any more than the next person, but at least I get a paycheck.
Good luck to you, draggy; we're all rooting for you :3
Tis better to have expectations in one's own self, than to attempt molding to the expectations of others. Such will drive one unto blackness itself.
Do not do as I have, and make your own life revolve around others. You will find no happiness there. Be who you are, and who you wish to be. Let the rest, fall in place where it will.
Wish you best.
Remain safe, and take good care.
Gk.
I can understand the pointlessness of an employers questions at times. They expect you to over examine yourself and it's degrading at times. I just be honest, and be the bubbly fellow I am. If they ask where they see myself in whatever number of years I just shrug and tell em 'management somewhere. Undetermined at this time due to not knowing the inner mechanics of this business.'
Make new connections, you never know whats out there... this is the step i am currently on.
You'd be surprised what you can learn... don't beat yourself up because you can't find a job in this economy. Hardly anyone can, i myself am seeking out a second in my field (Hospitality), and so far nothing has come up.
You aren't the only one.
I think your worrying, reasonable as it is, is silly because you have awesome skills!
I'll save a paragraph of comment and just say we can talk about stuff anytime you want. C:
Plus, speaking about negative experiences... Sometimes it can be good to mention them in interviews only to say how you overcame them. :3 If you ever fancy talking, or just venting, Grey is here.
Still, in the end all I can say is keep at it. Eventually something will happen to score you a job if you keep trying long enough, just gotta keep going I suppose.
I have 15 years industry experience.
I have proven leadership skills.
I have run my own company.
I have multidisciplinary skills.
And I either get one of two results, either no response or 'I'm sorry, you're overqualified for this position.'
Ishiga-san further up the comments hinted at a possibility, when you can't find anything, it's time to cut your losses and try something new. When this comes to employment, it usually means moving elsewhere. It's what I'm coming to terms with and soon to start planning. Perhaps it's something you should look into as well.
My mate has been in this town his whole life (though IMO this wouldn't be but a village if it wasn't for the army base here) and the last few years he's been searching for a job. He did land McDonalds after I had someone in my family refer him, but in no way is McDonalds anywhere near his field of expertise (Graphic Design). We will be moving to a different city for hopefully better opportunity come September.
All I can suggest is make sure you are stable with enough income to support yourself then at that point put the effort in to finding the job you actually want. It may take a while but don't make it where your desperate to land the job.
I am somewhat confronted with the same problem. I'll see what life will do with me - anywho~
What about freelancing instead of a fixed job position, hm?
Right now - I'm just looking for a short term internship. I'm still in school but the problem is that my team members frustrate me with their total lack of initiative to try. I attempt to create opportunities for people in my group and work with them to come up with plans that could work, and after a week of nothing, and impending due dates, I have no choice but to either do the work myself, or assign roles which doesn't tend to work out all the time.
The problem, I guess, is my own. I feel pressured to excel, and thus force that onto others. They might not be in school for the same reasons as I am, or might just be in it to pass and just coast on through. I probably just need to try harder to work with people's strengths rather than thinking that everyone is fighting against me.
I have pondered a lot about that and my way is now that I will do my own work to the best of my ability. If I then have time left, I will kick the other lazy fucks in the team in their ballz until they do something. I managed to make a good impression even though the other team-members effectively made things fail, but yeah. You can excel, and should, but keep in mind that this is not what the majority of people does. They will do the minimal effort possible to get the requirements met and not more.
Most simply lack the intelligence, others just attend a college 'to pass some time, but don't really like that stuff there'. Do whatever you can to get yourself going and give a shit about them if that is possible. They will accuse you of being selfish, but really they're lazy fucks and not worth your energy in the long run >->
I work in a local courthouse here, and this applied a lot to government employees, they don't want to be brilliant, they just want to barely do their job and receive their payment at the end of the month. Its sad, I want more, but this is a mean to achieve something better, for the time being I need the money so I stay with this.
I'm sure that tomorrow a few windows will open for you, and I sincerely hope you get your chance to shine but sometimes, specially at this age and if you are still studying you have to be patient and endure.
Don't get discouraged, its a matter of time and you will be out from there ;).
I agree with
If you want to try freelance, keep in mind:
a) You need a website with your work
b) you can try huge communities like http://www.freelance.com/en/ (for my brother it worked)
c) You will start slow, but eventually you will build relationships and get more and more work (even outside the website I mentioned earlier)
Sorry for the crappy english, its not my main language ;)
Again, I hope you get a good opportunity :).
Saludos!
They would just fuck around, leave everything to the DAY BEFORE its due and come to me saying shit like:
'Oh hey Dan... I don't really care about this so can you just tell me what to do?'
'Hey... I booked a last minute trip to xxxxxx and won't be able to make it FOR ANY OF THE FUCKING SESSIONS before the due date... Can you just do mine please?'
'Oh I would do my work but I'm really rubbish at this... Can you finish it for me?'
I've pretty much grown to hate the majority of university students REGARDING their work ethics because of this lol. AT LEAST as a stereotype. Its a delight to find students that smash it :)
All I really know that I can say without sounding too much like the naive little weirdo I am, is that you should have a little more faith in yourself.
Just give it your all and don't let the fun get drained out of what you love to do.
I feel generic and silly but I just wanted to add to the support the above comments already have given... I think you can do it, :]
Just listen to all your friends here! A ton of them are probably a ton more help then me so all I really can say is, listen to them more than me XP
And also just an extra note:
I fully support letting out your ranting thoughts... it's good to get it off your chest and unhealthy in many ways to hold it in..
So just idk... try to keep a smile and happy thoughts!
I hope to see more of your wonderfull and inspiring work ^_^
I think one of the issues I have is my reflective abilities have vastly grown compared to the skills I have that I reflect upon. In the end it makes me feel I am not developing fast enough despite knowing that I try to set myself apart from the hordes of little busy worker bees in big business.
I hope you read this comment I really do simply because I've never read anything a furry has said before that I've felt so strongly connected to regarding my own personal experience.
P.S - Its good to get things off your chest. Even in written form... Just feels good to organise and put thoughts to words and get input from others, you know?
I just last week had an amazing interview with someone who was interested in ME. My personal development and experiences was just as important as what grades I had written on a sheet of paper. I find it hard to give more than a generalized input on this as I don't know much about the specifics of your situation but I hope things get better *hugs*
I'm around if you wanna chat more, try and cheer up :)
I often worry that I shouldn't complain or bitch about this sort of thing because it feels like I am just blaming things on other people. I have always felt that I am in control of where I go, not other people. It's not always their fault. I bet in some cases, people in my group are thinking that they are doing most of the work. It's hard to see the effort that some people put in when you aren't working in the same space as them all the time. They have other schedules and classes too.
I guess I feel like I try to encourage participation in a passive way - and it never works. I give opportunities for people to volunteer - nobody sticks their hand up to say they enjoy doing something or would like to work on this certain part because they care about it and want to see it done right. It's so rare that I lose my patience, and eventually I just end up taking over and feel like I'm stuffing work onto people when their potentials really aren't being realized.
I can only hope that I find a good group for my final project of my degree program.
Generally speaking I don't know why the fuck this is even happening to us. University costs money. A LOT of money. for every single seminar/lecture the student pays about £12 and the government pays around £30. As a rough average anyway... Either way I thought people would be more motivated when they have a heavy financial investment tied to their degree. What I see is people acting more immaturely then both high school and secondary school x..x
I've noticed I tend to take on a lot of the main tasks because I get annoyed at how half assed their attempts are. I mean... I don't assume but when they spend 80% of the time checking out girls asses in the hall and making self racist remarks about each other for 'lulz' I get... Frustrated to say the least. Suddenly I feel like the responsible parent trying to control a bunch of lazy kids D:
It shouldn't be that way at all. Universities need a screening system that takes into account behaviour I think.