So last night I got home and called my mother to say how great it felt to walk to and from work even though it's an hour and a half walk each way and that I was happy to be saving money. She told me how when I work late shifts that I should not be walking to work as I will be a target OR get hit by a car, we disagreed and I moved on. However she proceeded to say that taxi's are not that expensive, I said they were a luxury if I am capable of walking and she disagreed... I moved on again. My mother then said she is going to buy me paper plates because she doesn't believe I do dishes enough. I told her it's bad for the environment and that I am getting on set shifts so I will be able to do things like that, again we moved on. Then I burned the hamburger I was cooking and she told me to put a lid on my frying pan, I told her it was nearly done and that it wasn't splattering due to the low heat, she then decided to let me go cook food. I was so frustrated I said fine and we said goodbye and disconnected.

Upon disconnecting I freaked out and went off into a blind rage which left me kneeling at the foor of my bed with my head laying against my cat on the bed. It felt just like I was back home, trapped in their house under their constant ridicule... then it hit me something that I have somehow missed my WHOLE life yet I advised others on it.

My mother is a control freak who does not want me to function on my own. She has told me before that she is shocked i never moved back in with her. I am just now realizing that my mother really has no faith in my abilities and never really has. Anytime I did anything she would occasionally try and help but would criticise me. I had to fight to join any activities whereas my sister get's run all over the earth by them for all the things she is a part of. I am shocked I have never noticed this before.

So I have come to the conclusion that I need to rely on my family as LITTLE as possible. I may not be able to drive but I need to find alternatives. I am a perfectly capable human being and I have to stop letting their opinions of me insight rebellion or discouragement in me. It's time that I live my own life and if they don't like that then that is just too bad it's not their life. I am a grown women. I will not have my father's anger, I will not be like my mother I will be me. The real work starts now. It's time I stop living in their shadow and be the lady I have always dreamed of being. I feel so silly I haven't noticed this sooner.