For so many times, in my path of study to my dream job... I feel conflicted.

I have killed so many.
I have hurt so many.
All for the name of Education. I vowed to pay them back when I become a real vet. I'll save so many animals in my life time.

I've done it so many times that I sometimes... feel nothing. ( and later feel bad for not feeling anything. )


ok, enough with the intro. Here's the real story that make me feel down.


Today, my teacher told me stories about his personal experiences. He's teaching about "patience" and "proper manner of communication" to clients.
Many stories are funny, like short-tempered clients who swear at everyone in their sight (and how to handle that situation) , or clueless clients who are not the pet's owner and know nothing about the patient (and how to get enough information to diagnose), or bad examples of vet's manners (and their consequences).

Then there was this story;

There was a white woman with a cat. She wanted the vet to spay the cat.
He examined her pet, and found that the cat was pregnant.

According to Veterinary ethics, we will not spay pregnant animals. Because by cutting off her uterus, all the unborn kittens will be killed.
So he refused.
She demanded that the vet spay her cat, or else she would drown her.

If you were the vet, what would you do?
...



...
The vet had to follow the ethics and stood his ground. He refused to spay the cat.

The woman stormed out of the clinic. and came back later without the cat. Asking the vet if he was satisfied that the cat was then drowned along with the kittens in her womb.


My teacher then stated that, according to the laws, pets are belongings. You have nothing to do with what the clients do with their pets. In this story, what the woman do was not the vet's responsibility. The vet did the right thing and there was nothing he could do except curse the woman in his mind, and in the mind only. You must never speak it out in front of the client. You must always keep emotions away from such situation.

Whatever her religion was, may the god, or the gods, or the karma punish her.
If she's not religious at all, then may the cat's ghost haunt her for eternity.

That's all the vet can do.


And after I hear this story. I can't help but feel conflicted. What would I do in that situation? Would I kill the kittens to save the mother?
Or would I just push it out of my responsibility and let the mother suffocate to death?

Will I be strong enough to stand my ground?
Will I be strong enough to hold my emotions?

...Will I be strong enough to not personally beat the crap out of that client?

Will I be strong enough...to be a good vet?

.......what is "a good vet" mean?

I don't know anymore.