Alright folks, here is something I normally would never do. Yep, you got it, a rant and emotional gush. So if you have no interest in such a thing, as I suspect 99.99% of the readers will lean towards, please go ahead and delete this from your notices box. If you read this and then leave some smart remark or bitch about it, its your own fault in the first place.


Have you ever gone through life feeling like everyone in the world is mad at you? Honestly, think about getting up everyday, hating yourself for even still being alive to begin with, and then having to lie to yourself and the world because you have a complex about being a burden or a pest to people. Ever had that happen to ya? Oh let me tell ya, its just a fucking blast. And then you come online, to a group of people you look to for at least a little bit of support and acceptance, and you cant help but feel like nobody gives a flying rats ass. Ya know that thing called conversation? Its a great thing to have, and comes pretty easy for most popular folks, but its not so easy to come across when you're a nobody. And of course, being terribly shy and scared shit less that people will judge you or blow you off for some reason, you don't exactly venture out that often to be assertive. Now, what about the few people you actually do try to interact with? Surely they're willing to just chat some. And know now that I understand people have lives. Its perfectly fine if you have a lot of stuff going on. I'm happy you are a nice working functioning person, socially speaking. But its not easy to think that and be done when the entire time your mind is screaming at you that those one or two word responses are their way of saying go fuck yourself. Big bold mental letters folks. You try to tell yourself they just have stuff going on. And you'll sit there all nice and pretty like, smiling that fake smile, and go with it. But in your mind again, you're panicking thinking what in the world you did to make them mad, because that's what people do, right? They get mad at you and they blow you off. Maybe it is, and maybe it isn't. But you don't want to sound stupid, as much as you feel like that already. So you would never consider asking them. Whats a person to do? Now, by this time you're thinking well aren't there medications out there that help? Ya, there are. And I am taking a few. Do I enjoy it? No. I hate it. I cant stand the fact that I have to take a stupid little pill just to be emotionally stable. To hell with being normal, lets just get through the day without eating a hollow point bullet. So you get this idea. You never post anything about personal problems. But every now and then you do, and people look in your direction. Here comes that crazy brain again. Oh look, he is depressed, ain't that a shame. Lets pat his head and move on, he'll get over it. NO I WONT!!!! That's not the way I am. I cant get over this stuff. And whats more, you try to be as nice as possible. Its all waves and hellos and how are yous but nobody really seems to care. And every now and then you make a mistake. It happens, right? Well of course as paranoid as you are that the other person will be furious and never even look at you again, you try to show how honestly sorry you are. A nod of the head and they're on their way. Surely though, somebody has to talk to you. It cant be that melodramatic and lonely, can it? Yes, there are people. You can count maybe three or four. The rp's are nice. Believe me, its nice to sate a fetish. But when that's all you ever do, you feel like a robot. Hi, welcome to Cum Bot. Ill help you get your rocks off and you can go about your business. So here we go again, another miserable night. Amazing how good of a poker face some people can have, isn't it?

Well, I think that's about it. Ive laid all my feelings out on the table. Real pretty, ain't it? God I fucking hate myself. Now you guys have a nice day. I'm gonna ball myself to sleep and wake up to start another day tomorrow.

And like I said before, if you aren't enjoying what you read, then don't say something smart. It doesn't help either side of the situation.

And another thing. I don't want anybody's sympathy. Ok? I hate myself. Plain and simple. I loathe my existence and I just wanted to let some emotion flow because its supposed to be healthy. I want you all to know the reasons why I do the things I do.

Goodnight and Fuck off