A while ago, I was out in the yard with Henry and Ava and the dogs, blowing bubbles. (Henry likes to pop them, the dogs like to eat them, and Ava kind of just watches everything. I swear she smiles at stuff, but my mother says it's just gas.) We are about a block from Old Town Alexandria, and a gentleman in a shirt from the Hard Times cafe came wandering down our sidewalk. I didn't think too much of this. Then my dogs began barking- they don't bark at people coming down the sidewalk ever, so that was strange. I thought maybe since the kids were out with me they were being extra protective, but the guy stopped at the edge of our yard, sat down, then lay flat on his beack, crossed his arms, and began mumbling to himself.

"Excuse me!" I said, from where I was sitting on the front porch with my arms full of protesting baby and growling dog, and a puddle of bubble solution rapidly spreading across my feet. "Sir...excuse me!" He mumbled in spanish some more. I frowned. El came out of the front door.

"What's wrong with the dogs?" He asked. I pointed. He frowned, and walked over to the edge of our yard, and spoke in Spanish rapidly with the gentleman for a couple of moments. Then he came back.

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"He's fine. He's just drunk." he said, and sat down next to me, and pulled out his phone. "I'm going to call the police. Do you want to take the kids inside?"

"No, I want to watch this."

"Ellie."

"Elvin."

"Can you put the dogs inside at least?"

"Okay." I relented. I got the dogs inside, and got a glass of water. While the police siren whined down the road and the neighbors began to gather in their respective yards, I handed the scary drunk man a glass of water, and the popo began to fill our little street. Since the popo were all rather white and monolingual, poor Husband was forced to translate back and forth. So then they asked him for his ID, which he didn't have. And then he was crying, and eventually they realized or he told them he was here illegally. So then they called INS and had to handcuff the guy and sit him on our curb while they were waiting. And then they realized he had just been kicked out of the restaurant he worked at for being drunk, so they called the manager of the chili place over to ID him, since he had no ID. So then the manager of the Hard Times Cafe, five popos, husband, and drunk scary man are all sitting there talking, and eventually the INS come and spend about half an hour talking to the restaurant manager. And then the manager called the owner of the restaurant and had them bring the guy's employee file and apparently they had an argument about what kind of documentation they needed and asked the poor dishwasher all kinds of questions without a lawyer present and then bundled him up and took him away. And then the owner came over and apologized like, seven times to us, and then ran back up the street, and came back with like, 100$ worth of gift certificates. So now El is all excited about 100$ worth of free chili, and Henry is excited because a popo let him wear his hat, and Ava is asleep and I have slippery feet from the bubble stuff all over my foot. My cast is all sticky and weird now. Oh, and the dogs are still freaked out. Colliedog really, REALLY doesn't like drunk people.

So goodbye and farewell, drunken dishwasher from Hard Times Cafe. I'm so sorry you're pretty much having the worst day in the universe, and I hope things pick up for you soon. In the meantime, please don't throw people's expensive glass cups anymore. That was my last one. And my bad grandma gave them to me, and it's the only thing she ever gave me because she hates us.

>:C