it might be from one of three things... the fact that i had been expecting this, the fact that i let my emotion out during a long talk with my furry mate, or the fact that i tried this guys ( http://hypnobeast.com/category/podcast/ ) hypnotic podcasts in a deparate attempt to relax and regain my sanity. it was my room mates day off last night, and he has no volume controll.

i was lurking around some webcomics when i saw the advertisment for the hypnotic beast. hypnotism has always intrigued me, and what got my attention was the fact the he was furry, and he caters mostly to furs over the internet.
when i saw the podcasts i thought 'hell yea! i can relax, drown out my room mate, and try something new at the same time!' i did it twice... my room mate talked that long. :/

the one i tried was the second one, about finding your companion animal...

try one:
my happy place is a wooded vally high in the mountains. my dark side was there with me, he was a shapeless black cloud with red eyes... i wasnt afraid of him, as scary as he may look, hes also an intergral part of my being. my dog tucker was there too for some reason. i left to search for what my companion animal might be.

i had always assumed it was going to be based off of a real animal, most likely a canid species, a dragon, or some big cat. but as hard as i looked, i couldnt find any of those. what did come out to greet me didnt suprise me though. it was an umbreon. yes, a freaking pokemon O.o
it nuzzled my hand, and thanked me for what i could only assume was its creation in my mind.

try two:
my room mate was still talking, and i still wasnt all that tired. so i got rid of more distraction, and turned the volume all the way up. everything was clearer, and more vivid. this time the umbreon was there to greet me, and it followed me as i made my way into my happy place. it seemed agitated, like it had something important to say. my dark side wasnt there this time, and neither was tucker... so i basked in the vivid beauty of the vally i was in for a moment before i met up with the umbreon.
it was agitated, like before, and this time it spoke:
"change!"
"change!"
"you need change!"
it seemed happy to have said this. i thanked it, and promised it i would be back tonight.

since hypnosis is based on subconscious imagry, i knew the umbreon was telling the truth. either that, or it mirrored the conversation my mate and i had. either way, i was so tired i barely came out of my trance enough to shut down the computer and set my alarm. i felt good. accomplished. relaxed.

i have been up now for about 2 hours. a mastersergent just got done talking to me about my situation back home. im not anxious at all. not even one bit worried. and im happy about that.
the freindly lion also adds bits of calm and well being to his podcasts, im assuming that has a part to play in this. he also gives the listener the ability to call on the companion whenever they need it, giving you strength and calm. we will see if i need a little umbreon helper. untill then though, se la vi.

i cant wait for tonight, im interested to ask its name and what gender it is. ^.^