Ok, don't just unload that crap onto me about how there is someone for everyone. I honestly don't believe that. I try to open my heart to new things only to find that guys get tired of me. My last ex cheated on me and then waited two months to tell. The ex before me just got tired of having me around. Maybe it's just my choice of guys, I don't know.

What I do know is that for some inane reason, some furries only want one of two things: a pet/master relationship or a friends with benefits situation where sex takes utmost precedence. For some reason they feel like settling down limits there freedom. I am not knocking P/M relationships, perhaps for some people thats right, but not for me. Nor is FWB even something I would remotely think about. People go to conventions and people go to meets, but at what point can one actually search for a relationship in the fandom. Scritches, pets, and cuddles are all acceptable, but how do you let someone know that its more than just acceptance and healing you want to bring to someone's life with some platonic cuddles? How do let them know you possibly feel something beyond the playful belly-rubs and ear-nibbles?

I tell myself not to give up, but some nights my heart feels full of darkness. Everyone has baggage or a past, if you will. That's no secret. People are scared of commitment because it means actually accepting responsibility. I worry most people see me in a negative light because I am going back to school for a second degree in computer science and aside from paying bills, I don't have much to my name. I know their is the tongue-in-cheek stereotype of furries being those who are shunned by most of the world and living in their parents basement. Furries do embrace a spiritual magnetism to animals and related subjects and I don't mind that. I feel sometimes like potential mates I meet for dates judge me by the fact I am starting for close to zero and won't have an established life for at least a few years.

I know a couple who has been together a decade and I often think about how they keep things together, how they manage to know day after day things will be alright. I'm too learned to believe in just some single special ingredient. Faith is a verb and the moment you stop that action, love starts to die. I know another couple that has been together for less time, a couple years. My longest relationship was eight months and the last two (as explained earlier) meant nothing after the fact. After being hurt, is there a way to heal? Is it possible to find that someone in the fandom who wants a monogamous relationship?

*Sorry for the emo rant, but this has just been weighing me down for a while.*