So, about that 'smoking fast'?
14 years ago
General
"We are made to persist."
I gave up cigarettes and nicotine cold turkey for a week, just to prove that I could do without them. It was, and is, an incredibly empowering feeling. I am a totally unmedicated, neurodiverse, bipolar ptsd sufferer. Why I would find something that could take the edge off to be fairly appealing should be quite evident, but I needed to take some power over my decision making back from my addiction. So I put them down for a full week after nine years of never missing a day. It was hard, and it feels amazing to know that I have that kind of personal power.
Still...
As I had planned, I broke my fast today. One week without smoking.
This was enough time for me to slough off and regenerate the entire inside of my mouth. I can smell things.... and taste things.... and I just lit up one of the brand I've been smoking for the sake of convenience to see what it would be like. If you're familiar with the brand 'Santa Fe', they are a kind of filtered cigarillo. They're really inexpensive because they fall into a lower tax class than cigarettes.
And they taste like newspaper and the bottom of a gas can. The flavor is not without its charm, and it goes well with coffee.... but I'm sitting here, feeling a real nicotine buzz for the first time in nearly a decade and laughing my ass off about thinking I needed this to hold myself back from random bouts of homicidal rage.
I can honestly say? I was an idiot. An idiot with very, very poor taste. I think i can enjoy these as an occasional luxury, and so afford a better class of drug.
I have a lot of vices; I like sex, I like to drink, I like to eat chocolate and excessive amounts of food and junk food, I love caffeinated beverages and sodas, energy drinks, marijuana, and I have a long standing love affair with physical pain....
But none of these things are things that I do on a daily basis. I have alcohol in my house. I have chocolate. I have access to basically any vice I like when I choose to partake of it, but none of them are the master of me. Now, I can begin to say the same of my smoking habit.
Still...
As I had planned, I broke my fast today. One week without smoking.
This was enough time for me to slough off and regenerate the entire inside of my mouth. I can smell things.... and taste things.... and I just lit up one of the brand I've been smoking for the sake of convenience to see what it would be like. If you're familiar with the brand 'Santa Fe', they are a kind of filtered cigarillo. They're really inexpensive because they fall into a lower tax class than cigarettes.
And they taste like newspaper and the bottom of a gas can. The flavor is not without its charm, and it goes well with coffee.... but I'm sitting here, feeling a real nicotine buzz for the first time in nearly a decade and laughing my ass off about thinking I needed this to hold myself back from random bouts of homicidal rage.
I can honestly say? I was an idiot. An idiot with very, very poor taste. I think i can enjoy these as an occasional luxury, and so afford a better class of drug.
I have a lot of vices; I like sex, I like to drink, I like to eat chocolate and excessive amounts of food and junk food, I love caffeinated beverages and sodas, energy drinks, marijuana, and I have a long standing love affair with physical pain....
But none of these things are things that I do on a daily basis. I have alcohol in my house. I have chocolate. I have access to basically any vice I like when I choose to partake of it, but none of them are the master of me. Now, I can begin to say the same of my smoking habit.
FA+

wildmark
mitsozuka
foxystallion
See, if you ask, you get some. If you steal it... x3
Cigarettes are the most damaging way to use nicotine. Please consider using an e-cigarette - a free base nicotine vaporizer:
http://shop.ebay.com/i.html?_nkw=e+cigarette&_frs=1&_trksid=p3286.c0.m359
Another equally effective and much less damaging and risky way to get your fix:
https://snus.tobaccopleasure.com/mo.....ity/Login.aspx
The lie is required by the FDA and FTC; those products are roughly 100 times less dangerous than cigarettes.
*hugs*
Still, I've found one that's pretty good, and because of its options to mix your own flavors of glycol suspension, I'm considering it very strongly. It may very well become my primary outlet for this habit.
That vaporizer is a far healthier way of getting your nicotine than smoking tobacco!
I actually started back in my high school days; my first smoking experience was not tobacco, but a certain delightful green leafy substance that I found quite enjoyable. After one meeting with some of my friends, one of them offered me a clove cigarette, citing that it helped ' boost the high'. I liked the clove rather a lot; and for the first year or so after I started smokign it was those exclusively, and never more than about five a day *shrugs*. I have fond memories of those; fortunately you can still get something like them. Clove filtered cigarillos are still legal for sale in the U.S. last I checked, and the Djarum company sells them.
Me and Tide have gotten back on talking terms, after a long time of being silent, and even talking going back to how things used to be with us. Thanks to you buckling down and telling me to talk to the guy, despite I'm bad about not messaging first save for few exceptions. you have also inspired me to be more blunt, and I'm proud to say me and Nobu teamed up and cornered his ass on his 'no, I said this' so that he can be right, as usual, and pissed him off bad. He got over it and apologized, but it felt good to stand up for myself. And I thought to do it because of your demonstration of self control, and being forward with me. Like I've wished you where from the start. I am also considering following in your footsteps on this task, and see if I can survive this trial that you have committed yourself and succeeded in. though I have a lot more temptations around, such as plenty of smokes to last more than long enough, and a family of smokers, who have no trouble throwing a smoke at me to shut me up if I get in a bad mood.
But if you could succeed where so many have failed, I would be no form of decent student, if I didn't follow the good examples you have set.
That said, when I decide on a good time to begin, you will know. As will all of FA, as I'll take notes down here on FA, to update people on my progress. And it'll serve double as a detraction to avoid temptation, so it's just useful to keep people updated.
Hope to see you soon, Nomi. My only regret is i doubt I'll be doing this, or be in a situation where doing this is logical until after you leave.
And, just so you know.... I had all the cigs I could ask for. I had a full carton sitting in the freezer while I was fasting; I could have ended it at any time.
Knowing that you can gives you the strength to not give in.
Good for you and Tide, hon. You'd be good for eachother ;3