...doesn't always need to be tied.

NOTE: To those that are confused by this journal i'm going to be as specific as possible about a single person without naming names or linkbacks so i'm going to say this here and now and never again.

You're probably going to regret reading up on my journals and visiting my galleries since this is about you, but your unending bitterness won't allow me to contact you any other way. I have your e-mail address, and could easily note you despite being blocked, but decided against invading your personal space so this is happening since you are a subject that came up in conversation recently. Since then i felt it was appropriate to finalize this "issue." I have two theories why everything went the way it did and i'm going to entertain those theories so you have a better understanding of what i'm guessing is you're undying disdain for me.

My first theory is that you thought we were a couple. During our years of friendship, i have NEVER considered myself, even once, to be your girlfriend. If this is what you were thinking this entire time then you horribly manipulated and destroyed our friendship because i met someone else. The timing for the theory seems about right since you completely changed after i started dating that boy when i was 17. You manipulated our friendship because it was no secret that i was in a terribly dark place in my life at that time and you gave me the impression that i had a deep and strong friendship with you when, in actuality, you were using my troubles to worm your way into a sexual relationship. You actually attempted a few times but i have always made it clear that was not reciprocated. After 8 years, i have come to the conclusion that i enjoyed your company, your support, your strength, your warmth, and your friendship but it is not my fault you misinterpreted my appreciation, and manipulated those traits of friendship i so dearly held onto, just to be with me.

If none of this applies then i'll explain my second theory:

My initial concept for your random rejections stems from those darker days i explained earlier. This, i actually have an understanding and grasp of, however, still insinuates that you are equally manipulative. If you had an issue with me during our few years of friendship then why was this never addressed? Why was there suddenly a cutoff and next to zero correspondance? A friend that was once so willing to put up with my closet of skeletons not only drops all contact, but continues to stalk me, harass me, harass others about me, encourage harassment from others towards me, dedicate enough time for juvenile hate art, admitted to breaking into our old shared accounts to delete all my artwork, abandon projects, admitted to sabotaging joint projects, abandoned a paid collaborative commission, never returned items that belonged to me after you promised you would (even after i respected you enough to return yours intact,) attempt to report my galleries, and even years later STILL find enough bitterness in your heart towards me to publically link my icons in a journal just to talk more shit you had already previously explained you never felt nor cared about. This string of issues should never have come from one friend to another unless you were never a friend at all or hadn't been a friend LONG before you cut the cord. Again, after 8 years, i have come to the conclusion that it is not my fault i behaved the way i did around you because you never once bothered to tell me how you truly felt. Instead, you went a far more cowardly route and made a game of lying and manipulation. How long did you plan all of that before you dropped the ball?

There's actually no need to answer any of these questions or even grace me with a reply since it's obvious i'm still addressing the same teenager i did 8 years ago. You have sadly never changed, nor will you in the near future. Your attitude and artwork are as static as they were in highschool. Your appauling lack of professionalism and defiance against acquiring any kind of knowledge in your desired field proves to me, personally, that you haven't changed. I idolized your art when we were teens. Had you chose to evolve mentally, and artistically, you wouldn't be stuck in the rut you are in now. Your commissions wouldn't be limited to local bands and artists, and you would have had a proud name to advertise. You would have easily moved beyond the memory of me and you could have continued to improve the quality of your life.

I'm actually sorry for you. I'm sorry that you're still full of bitterness and hate. I'm sorry that whatever i did may have been responsible for your stunted growth but you need to understand that anything past that point, nearly a decade ago, isn't worth it. I'm simply not worth the time and effort you continue to put towards me. I've moved on too. I got the help i needed and i'm happy again. You're simply a loose end that i have decided i won't tie since i now know that i was never fully in the wrong no matter what the circumstances. That, whether you forgive me or not, i am successful, happy, and strong with new friendships and renewed friendships that are much healthier than the old, dusty one we once shared. Even after all you have said and done, i still have no regrets nor do i wish anything negative upon you. I still wish you the best in your endeavors but please, please let me go and leave me alone. There's no need to even block me because i would never comment or contact you. I have no desire to exercise the effort you put into me, save this final journal entry.