the whole day, from begining (starting with some crazy fucked up nightmares), you just feel like curling up somewhere cold and dark and damp and just... cry your eyes out.......

yeah..... there was things i wanted to do, i just.... couldnt get to them.... i couldnt even just cry it out.... i wanted to curl up and cry, i just couldnt..... so ive been trapped like this all day...... so to distract myself, i did black ops all day.... went from level 42, prestiged, got to like level 8. though, i tripped over the wires and knocked over the xbox.... somehow that scratched the disk to the point its unreadable...... great, right? nothing to distract me now... thats the only game that i really feel like playing.... you know?
....i feel fat and disgusting, its hot as hell..... im lonely as hell.......
im really losing my mind..... im split dead down the center.... part of me wants to go back to how i once was (emotionless, craving pain purely for pleasure, wanting to burn down the world, not caring wether i lived or died...) then the other half wants to keep going the same direction (softening, becoming more people-dependant, clinging more to my mates..... craving more.... more heart.... etc... )......
idk,...... its complicated and kind of killing me....

oh, and also, im going bald..... legit losing hair..... its a genetics things though..... a handfull of people on my moms side had hair the same as mine, but it started falling out in their highschool years (which is happening to me now), and they were bald by their twenties.....
i dont know about you guys, but im going to buy a butt load of wigs......

yeah..... anyway.... watching soul eater atm, will probobly head to bed soon.....

thats all for now.... sorry guys........