Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right, but I can jerk off equally well with the left.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Pills, glass, other random objects I've been stabbed with

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A . My TV

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No. Heads too hard.

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. HAY-ELL NAH!

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Dick, Ima

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Grays and blues.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item?
A. Lots of them.

Q: Do you smile often?
A. No.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Yes and no?

Q. Do you hold grudges?
A. Not really.

Q. Who do you tell your secrets to?
A. NOBODY EVER.

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. What are you, some kinda faggot?! Yes. I would.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. With anesthesia.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Yes.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. I NEED AN ADULT.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. Sure.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. Like Kuthulhu on angel dust.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: penis.

Q: Do have a hardwood or carpet floor in your house?
A: Both.

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: Yes.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: One pair AND THEY'RE SANDALS, NOT FLIP FLOPS.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: Many months ago.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Supreme ruler of the universe.

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 21

Q: Season?
A: Fall

Q: TV show(s)?
A: Oh, lots of things.

Q. Flavor of gum?
A. SUMKINDAFROOT

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: Always.

Q: Mood?
A: Like I need to break wind. HARD.

Q: Listening to?
A: The TV

Q: Watching?
A: Eddie Murphy

Q: Worrying about?
A: My appointment with the T-gender specialist

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: Butt town.

Q: What can't you wait to do?
A: Get a fucking boy and/or girlfriend.

Q: What do you dread?
A: Talking to attractive women.

Q: What will you do when you answer this question?
A: Leave nasty comments for Jim to read.

Dear Jim,

NASTY COMMENTS.

Love, Asher.