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Struggles...sounds like snuggles
14 years ago
What a 1/2 of a month it has been. I've come to learn that I have cycles. I am social and such then I slip away and become more and more reclusive as I feel that I can get more accomplished in solitude where I have no obligations to people...then I slowly but surely slip into a state kind of like insanity but not quite. At first it's blissful and I see the world through a new set of mystical eyes... but then it becomes challenging as I become unable to comprehend the world.
Then eventually I realize that I need people to bring me back to some state of normalcy and I seek out people. and I begin reveling in conversation. It repeats. I realize I am selfish. I asociate with people when it's conveniant for me... I'm a recluse however I need to work on making people less circumstantial especially people like my Sis who has done nothing but help me and provide AMAZING support. I'm so strange. It's like I go through a period of insanity as a means of rebirth and renewal here and there... oh me.
Also I spent this morning looking up "cures" for being transgender oh and by the way, there aren't any that don't cause mass suicide... I'm just starting to come to terms with the fact that no matter how much I wish I could just live as a normal boy that I cannot. I don't get to choose how I am born and although I hate this fact...it's reality and I need to stop fighting being trans and accept it as who I am. This is a hard pill to swallow. I was under a delusion that I was in control...however I am not. I wouldn't wish being transgender on anyone in the entire world. Maybe in a different society where parents were supportive and it was treated as a medical condition this would be easier...but my parents aren't accepting. I might be starting to penetrate my mother's thick head though. She is starting to see that I don't want to be transgender and that it is just something I am wether I like it or not.
Let's hope for good things. I'm also struggling with spirituality at the moment. No i'm not talking about christianity I am of a different practice...one that makes people come off a bit strange... I worry by practicing my beliefs I will gradually lose touch with reality...
Anyway feel free to chat me up if you care to hold a civil conversation. I could use much of this.
Then eventually I realize that I need people to bring me back to some state of normalcy and I seek out people. and I begin reveling in conversation. It repeats. I realize I am selfish. I asociate with people when it's conveniant for me... I'm a recluse however I need to work on making people less circumstantial especially people like my Sis who has done nothing but help me and provide AMAZING support. I'm so strange. It's like I go through a period of insanity as a means of rebirth and renewal here and there... oh me.
Also I spent this morning looking up "cures" for being transgender oh and by the way, there aren't any that don't cause mass suicide... I'm just starting to come to terms with the fact that no matter how much I wish I could just live as a normal boy that I cannot. I don't get to choose how I am born and although I hate this fact...it's reality and I need to stop fighting being trans and accept it as who I am. This is a hard pill to swallow. I was under a delusion that I was in control...however I am not. I wouldn't wish being transgender on anyone in the entire world. Maybe in a different society where parents were supportive and it was treated as a medical condition this would be easier...but my parents aren't accepting. I might be starting to penetrate my mother's thick head though. She is starting to see that I don't want to be transgender and that it is just something I am wether I like it or not.
Let's hope for good things. I'm also struggling with spirituality at the moment. No i'm not talking about christianity I am of a different practice...one that makes people come off a bit strange... I worry by practicing my beliefs I will gradually lose touch with reality...
Anyway feel free to chat me up if you care to hold a civil conversation. I could use much of this.
Be proud of yourself what what you have achieved and what you are working towards. Rejoice that you are an amazing person with a good heart.
And ALL people only seek out human contact when they want it. It's not selfish it's just nature. LOL. But as I've said, you can message me anytime you need to talk. Think of the positives. They make it all worth it. *hugs*
I view life as a test of will and faith.. accept and believe in yourself and great things can be accomplished. ^^
oddly enough, my own non-conventional beliefs keep me closer in touch with reality .. don't be afraid to follow your dreams.. *hugs*
I believe you are right, our beliefs are not so different ..^^
.. .. <---- don't worry - be happy .. ..
But I do hope things start looking up for you hon. just know I'm here for you.
These "cures" sound stupid. There is no cure for who you are, and people are not born into distinct molds. We are different and will live different lives. Just because society is narrow minded and doesn't see you as "normal" now doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or anything that needs to be corrected. As time goes on and people learn transgendered people will be accepted. It will take time, but it will happen.
Now I know I'm a random watcher but I am open and if you want to talk I'm here for you. I'm a good listener and try my best to be supportive. I also don't judge. Just let me know if you want to talk.