So, yet again she gets saddled with a fucking loser. It’s Darryl all over again! Because of something that happened between a gay man and a straight man when drunk, something that always happens between two straight men there during let’s get drunk and stupid parties….Josh has to be an asshole. When they get plastered there, even when sober, my uncle and my cousin’s husband rub crotch to face, joking around. But since my friend is gay, this makes it unacceptable! So…now I am also banned along with my good friend from ever seeing my cousin and her kids again. He’s fucking just like the last loser she escaped from. Only difference is he doesn’t abuse her.
What really pisses me off is he’s not man enough to tell me himself. He has to tell my aunt to tell me for him. Even though the day after the fucking party, I watched my cousin’s two year old so they could go have some wild ass sex. I’m only worth being used to him. Typical.

My grandpa is dying now. He’s sleeping more and more and just giving up. He’s in his eighties, but it really fucking hurts still. My grandpa will never get to see me with someone. He’ll never get to be there if/when I manage to get pregnant and have a child….or adopt one, which is likely my road I’ll have to take.

I’m menstruating and I’m not going to stop before IFC. -_- I’m having a major emo swing. Tomorrow I’m gunna fucking bitch at the asshole who can’t be a man. He wants to go somewhere and needs a sitter? Screw fucking him. I’ll only kidwatch if my cousin has to go somewhere, not with his fucking ass.

I want to claw my eyes and heart out right now. I just see my family making the same mistakes again and again. It really kills me. My friends and family are the only things I have. My good friends are family to me. I love them dearly, including my ‘brother’ who is currently living with me. Even if sometimes I take things the wrong way and feel like I’m not being there for him when he needs someone.

Ah well, I’m no longer allowed to see my cousin, who was very close and more like a sister as I grew up. Life goes on and I leave my heart on the floor, in tiny little pieces. I don’t know if I can handle losing so much so close together.

Maybe I'll make a new friend at IFC this week. Maybe I'll bawl on Sazume....I dunno. Don't want to kill his good time. -plunks emo hat on and gets ready for bed-