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2 game reviews
14 years ago
I can hear everythin'
Bulletstorm:
This jamboree of guns and gore is a purposefully over-the-top shooter, from the publishers of Gears of War, the plethora of penis jokes cannot 'overcompensate' the 'flaccid,' lacking, repetitive gameplay. There is hardly any variety to the game as a whole. Run, shoot, get points, get more points with cooler kills, kick things with your GRAVITY BOOTS! Even a Call of Duty campaign has more substance, and they aren't near as long as the Bulletstorm campaign. Call of Duty games have better stories! (I thought I'd never say that) While it can be hilarious, how big of tools these characters are, the game does get on my nerves, due to lack of variety, the sheer length of the game (while being repetitive), and Ishi (he's a big cyborg asshole who is on a constant PMS). The idiotic humor caught my attention, and the ridiculous kills were entertaining enough to keep me playing though.
Score: 6/10
The Witcher:
A good, proud example of European RPG's, and the Polish game developing industry. Made on a Bioware engine (you can tell from the feel of it, and you almost feel a VERY SLIGHT hint of KOTOR in the battle system), this game raises an awareness for the European gaming market. While most of the character models are stupid looking, and the animations during cutscenes look clunky as hell, there is this [gritty] charm to it. The quests are rather fun, and VERY rewarding, you'll want to do it all. Oh yeah, there's A LOT of sex, so far Geralt, the player character, has had sex with 4 women, a she-mage, a bar wench, a witch, and a hooker. It's almost too easy to bed these bitches! (Maybe it's the vertical slit pupils on piercing yellow eyes, and silver hair) The world's politics seem alive, and eerily realistic. Despite the awful NPC models, the world feels like it exists.
Score: 9/10
This jamboree of guns and gore is a purposefully over-the-top shooter, from the publishers of Gears of War, the plethora of penis jokes cannot 'overcompensate' the 'flaccid,' lacking, repetitive gameplay. There is hardly any variety to the game as a whole. Run, shoot, get points, get more points with cooler kills, kick things with your GRAVITY BOOTS! Even a Call of Duty campaign has more substance, and they aren't near as long as the Bulletstorm campaign. Call of Duty games have better stories! (I thought I'd never say that) While it can be hilarious, how big of tools these characters are, the game does get on my nerves, due to lack of variety, the sheer length of the game (while being repetitive), and Ishi (he's a big cyborg asshole who is on a constant PMS). The idiotic humor caught my attention, and the ridiculous kills were entertaining enough to keep me playing though.
Score: 6/10
The Witcher:
A good, proud example of European RPG's, and the Polish game developing industry. Made on a Bioware engine (you can tell from the feel of it, and you almost feel a VERY SLIGHT hint of KOTOR in the battle system), this game raises an awareness for the European gaming market. While most of the character models are stupid looking, and the animations during cutscenes look clunky as hell, there is this [gritty] charm to it. The quests are rather fun, and VERY rewarding, you'll want to do it all. Oh yeah, there's A LOT of sex, so far Geralt, the player character, has had sex with 4 women, a she-mage, a bar wench, a witch, and a hooker. It's almost too easy to bed these bitches! (Maybe it's the vertical slit pupils on piercing yellow eyes, and silver hair) The world's politics seem alive, and eerily realistic. Despite the awful NPC models, the world feels like it exists.
Score: 9/10
