For once I'm not feeling particularly sensitive on the issue of femininity but more that it's on the brain and I'm thinking about it in I guess a more detached and analytical way.

And I don't know that I see it this way because of societies objectification of women (not that it's necessarily a bad thing or one sided. Men are equally objectified or at least idealized to be a certain type and are by no means left out of this sort of expectation, just only in their own flavor.) but the whole expectation as to what's attractive or pretty for women.

Do women themselves dictate what is to be found attractive and feminine or do men?

Which is another good question I think. Because these days we more or less get to choose our attire with no repercussions. It's not like you're mistreated for wearing breeches or what ever these days, at least in the American culture.

Any how I guess I haven't really made any point yet I've just been rambling on some "disclaimer to avoid drama" topics.

But I guess what got me on the subject was that trash hole known as Facebook.

Now I tend to use it kinda for family and just in general to see what everybody's up to. I'm nosy what can I say. I don't post often myself and if I do it's always cryptic BS because that's how I am. I have no need to make momma worry any more about me than she already does. Aaany way. A friend of my Dad's posted a picture of her 72 year old mother sporting her mid-30's daughter's prom dress. Admittedly she looks good in it and I was impressed that she kept herself in that sort of shape. Now my Father posted on there that the lady's dad was a lucky man.

Which eh I guess is none of my business or anything but it gets me to thinking about what men find attractive, and from all ages. I grew up in an odd household. My Dad was 20 years my mother's Senior. Dad was born in the mid 40's to a poor farming family and grew up in I guess the "mountain man" sorta way. Fishing, hunting, trapping and farming for the necessities and working hard to earn money for the things they couldn't supply themselves. He grew up where the word "pregnant" was a hushed, almost a "bad" word. Women wore dresses and men got first servings from dinner and everybody took a bath on the same day in the same tub outside. It really was a different way of life and I gotta admit I really respect having gotten a taste of it in my upbringing. I feel it gives me some of my more wholesome/old fashion principles that a lot of folk from my generation don't have.

My mother on the other hand was born in the mid 60's and was a child of the 70's and 80's with her rock music and punk clothes, and leather pants. If you think of the television series "That 70's Show" where the whole gang hung out and was in and out of the houses and just in general growing up. That was mom. Now it wasn't in suburbia but it was back in the "hollar" so to speak. Infact it was "Tonghollow road". So, mix a little hard working redneck in there and knowing how to do with out as well.

And then I'm a product of all that plus the 90's and the new millennium. So I have a great conflict as to what's expected with femininity.

Anyone that knows me knows I do a fair amount of garbing/costuming and sewing. I attend renaissance festivals and enjoy Amtgard. For both of these the sort of "medieval" attire is accepted so I've become a pretty decent seamstress.

While sewing a friend's skirt as I would never dream wearing a dress or skirt myself, my dad commented how good a job I had done and that he missed that girls don't wear dresses any more and we got on the discussion of what was acceptable and attractive then and then to now. And why I wouldn't ever wear dresses because I felt like it took my "power" away. Now he's never said I had to wear anything in particular or dress a certain way and this wasn't one of those conversations, it was just a conversation.

But we got into the discussion that I felt wearing skirts or dresses made me feel vulnerable and like my power had been taken away and that I was useless and couldn't do anything. That it made me feel demoralized and objectified as a woman. And it's truthful. I do feel that way. If a dress even makes me look "sexy" or "grown up" or "buisnessy" I still feel vulnerable and powerless. I feel like I personally see women. Now wearing pants I feel empowered, in control, and independent. It was a little gut wrenching and weird to see my Dad tear up over me saying I was too independent and proud to be a stay at home housewife and such. I had too much bearing over myself to allow myself to be taken care of. To this day I'm not sure if he was proud of me or sad or both.

Growing up my mom was my friend. She often dressed in hand me down clothes and rarely bought herself new things and was often the sweatshirt and what ever pants she had around type. Then mom graduated college and got a teaching job. And you have to dress nice for that, and wear makeup to interviews, and that sort of thing. Now I was 7 or 8 at the time she started student teaching and substitute teaching and it was so odd to see my mom dressed up...that to me she wasn't my Mom when she was. She was this strange lady. Not that I didn't recognize her, but she just wasn't..."mom" any more. I felt she'd fallen into the category of "woman"...that was powerless and weak willed.

And now I'm married. So I finally feel like I have some femininity all the time. I am a wife, a house keeper, the mother of planned children later, I am...well woman. To a loving man who some how sees all the good in me and doesn't care about all the bad there is. He loves me in my jeans and t-shirts and messy pony tail and bed hair and being covered in paint and grass and mud and dirt and sweaty and hard working little woman. He loves me for me being me. But he says he also finds the elusive dress wearing, make up dabbling, perfume scented me. The me I'm afraid of being...afraid of becoming.

Now I know honestly nothing changes if I put on a dress, he or anybody doesn't see me any different. In fact it's usually the opposite of how I feel. A woman who dresses femininely is empowered and confident and full of well...being a woman and has control over men and others simply by being a woman.

I still don't feel that way though.

I didn't grow up with being a woman.

I grew up being a tomboy who understood women in the sense of a dress and house wife being old fashioned, and quiet, and obedient. I never understood or saw my Mother or any of the women in my family as women. We were all equal to everyone. If something needed done it didn't matter what was between your legs. A woman is just as capable of holding the front end of a tractor up in the middle of January with only a tarp for protection and a lantern for heat in her second trimester as a man is.

To me I grew up with no difference between men and women and gathered some odd fear of it.

This was mostly an odd ramble to get my thoughts out of my head. And some place I can see them.

Feel free to post your own opinions or ignore entirely.