"hello class and welcome back to school" the teacher said flatly. She wasn't a young teacher, not to mention her outfit was less than flatering. she wore skin-tight jeans that highlighted her rather gelatin-like rear that and also showed her wrinkley, vainy ankles. her teeth were a bit yellow, her eyes were dull, her face had some wrinkles as well. her hair was short and grey.
"now, I will pick someone at random to share what they did this summer... how about you, sir. the one wearing the army jacket" she said, pointing directly at me, showing her painfully pink nails off. "me?" I reply, sitting up a little, barely half awake. "yes you" she said smart-assedly. "one, ma'am, its a canvas air force jacket that was bestowed upon me by my father" I said, stressing the 'air force' part. "and second.... my summer..." I paused to think.
"well" I said inhaling deeply. "I butt fucked a dinosaur, got into a fist fight with Jesus and developed short term memory loss, stole some gold from fort nox and ground it into a fine powder, snorting it, I hunted down moby dick and ate him, I was part of a scientific research team that unearthed a monster while we dug up at the bottom of the north pacific ocean between Johnston atoll and the midway islands that took out several of our ships and a submarine. I want inside its stomach and planted a bomb in there, then climbed out its throat before detonating it." I stopped to take a breath, then I continued. "I resurected an entire grave yard by accident, off in the western of Sweden, then went on a zombie killing spree and became a local hero, then I went to china, assassinated chairmen Mao and took his place, ushering in a new chapter in china. I went mad with power soon after, let 3 genocides and started a new world war. I faked my own death and got out of there. I came back to America and joined the army and faught against china and we won. I fell in love on a trip to Germany, started a family and had 3 kids. though, some people from China that I didnt treat too well recognized me and went after me, killing my first born son, leaving me with my other son and daughter and my wife. we left Germany soon after, moving to Russia. Once there, I quickly made some local friends and hired some trustworthy fellows as body guards, which helped a lot. The Chinese found me in Russia, but my body guard apprehended them for me and killed them. A few years after that, I was called back to the battle for the Americans, this time doing a tour in the middle east. I lost the left side of my body to a road side bomb and got shipped back to my family to spend my dying hours with them by my side. A few old buddies heard I died, recovered my body, and braught me back to life and regenerated my lost limbs using the machine I helped make blue prints on before we did that scientific journey near midway. We laughed, had some drinks. eh, was nice. we talked science for a little, caught up... I went to see my family not long after, but everyone already moved on and seems to forgot I existed. As you could imagine, that hurt. My son is now married, my daughter is devorced with a kid, my wife remarried, though developed ovarian cancer and needed her ovaries removed so they didnt have any kids."
"I went to live with my buddies who braught me back to life for a little, did some more adventuring. Faught some monsters, slayed a cracken, a griffen, a minitaur, a spinx, and more. now Im back to where I grew up just to relax and enjoy life a little... thats about everything I did this summer"

The entire class staired at me in amazement. "but your sixteen" the teacher said after several moments of silence. "and?" I replied. "doesn't mean that it isnt true"