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Toxic People
14 years ago
General
Let me start off by saying that I royally hate to even bring this subject up as one of the worst things in the world to me is having anyone say who you can and cannot hang out with. I love giving people the benefit of the doubt, trying to be nice (albeit silly), and knowing a variety of people of completely different views. However I think it needs to be said, some people are just toxic.
Recently looking at some posts on someone else's journal that was a flamewar, I saw a face pop up that oddly I was not surprised to see. I'm not going to name names or validate who this was if anyone guesses, but needless to say it was a furry trolling furries. Okay, I can understand people being upset or picking on someone here and there especially if somebody has done something really negative towards one another. Though in this instance, they were being an ass and reveling in making bystanders miserable. Was I surprised? Not really that's what this person does and they aren't the only one who does it.
Over the past few years I have seen this individual being rude and uncalled for to others and strangely he has a pretty solid group of followers with him. All the followers started off being fun and enjoyable people, and as time went on..... every one of them has become absolutely miserable and just as bitter. It's been sad to watch as some are my friends, and now they're reclusive and hate most other furries as they sit around unhappy while the guy who brought them to this place laughs it up.
So just as a general bit of wisdom from somebody who has been in furry for quite a long time, the old fable about the bird who tried hanging out with the peacocks and was laughed out for not being one was dead wrong. The more you hang around something, the more it rubs off on you. It may be funny here and there to rile someone or make an off-color joke, but take a moment to ask yourself if that is the only way you or your friends are happy? If someone is only happy making others miserable, then frankly, if you hang out with them then you will likely be just the same.
I'm not saying to avoid them altogether, but be better than that. Limit your exposure so they don't drag you down, and so hopefully some of your positive influence will rub off on them. Be the bigger man. You don't have to sit at your computer all day making fun of the worst of the fandom and dwelling on the negative.
Furry isn't all negative. It showed me I can make friends, be happy in life, not feel the ugliness inside (or as much outside hehe), and more. Hell, furries spurned me to go back to college and do things in life. I actually go outdoors and do things sometimes now whereas before I was totally reclusive. It's been one of the best things that ever happened in my life. Know what though? That's because I -chose- to look for positive things and people. It's there if you look, but if you don't see it, maybe you need to find people in your life who are willing to choose the higher road.
So to end this little rant I'm going to steal from the brony community for a second and say that even if you guys want to hang with asshats, or try to be miserable, I'll do what I can do be here for you (even if it means I may have someone being a butt to me, it has happened) and I will love and tolerate the ever loving shit out of you all.
Thank you everyone who is a genuinely happy person and keep up the good work, and to those who let themselves get miserable, thank you too as I appreciate the reminder that happiness is a choice, and I hope one day I can see you having a good time again.
Recently looking at some posts on someone else's journal that was a flamewar, I saw a face pop up that oddly I was not surprised to see. I'm not going to name names or validate who this was if anyone guesses, but needless to say it was a furry trolling furries. Okay, I can understand people being upset or picking on someone here and there especially if somebody has done something really negative towards one another. Though in this instance, they were being an ass and reveling in making bystanders miserable. Was I surprised? Not really that's what this person does and they aren't the only one who does it.
Over the past few years I have seen this individual being rude and uncalled for to others and strangely he has a pretty solid group of followers with him. All the followers started off being fun and enjoyable people, and as time went on..... every one of them has become absolutely miserable and just as bitter. It's been sad to watch as some are my friends, and now they're reclusive and hate most other furries as they sit around unhappy while the guy who brought them to this place laughs it up.
So just as a general bit of wisdom from somebody who has been in furry for quite a long time, the old fable about the bird who tried hanging out with the peacocks and was laughed out for not being one was dead wrong. The more you hang around something, the more it rubs off on you. It may be funny here and there to rile someone or make an off-color joke, but take a moment to ask yourself if that is the only way you or your friends are happy? If someone is only happy making others miserable, then frankly, if you hang out with them then you will likely be just the same.
I'm not saying to avoid them altogether, but be better than that. Limit your exposure so they don't drag you down, and so hopefully some of your positive influence will rub off on them. Be the bigger man. You don't have to sit at your computer all day making fun of the worst of the fandom and dwelling on the negative.
Furry isn't all negative. It showed me I can make friends, be happy in life, not feel the ugliness inside (or as much outside hehe), and more. Hell, furries spurned me to go back to college and do things in life. I actually go outdoors and do things sometimes now whereas before I was totally reclusive. It's been one of the best things that ever happened in my life. Know what though? That's because I -chose- to look for positive things and people. It's there if you look, but if you don't see it, maybe you need to find people in your life who are willing to choose the higher road.
So to end this little rant I'm going to steal from the brony community for a second and say that even if you guys want to hang with asshats, or try to be miserable, I'll do what I can do be here for you (even if it means I may have someone being a butt to me, it has happened) and I will love and tolerate the ever loving shit out of you all.
Thank you everyone who is a genuinely happy person and keep up the good work, and to those who let themselves get miserable, thank you too as I appreciate the reminder that happiness is a choice, and I hope one day I can see you having a good time again.
Well said. :)
What made it kinda hard was trying to distance myself from them, but keep my friendships with others that were part of their group, things have been going a lot better and I can say I am a lot happier.
^.^
http://www.xydexx.com/journal/archive.htm
(check the diagram in part 2!)
To be honest though, looking back, it was the best thing I could have done. I still care about her, but my outlook on life has been so much better since then. I see these people and I wonder why, if they hate the fandom as much as they let on, they still bother with it.
Life is shitty enough without making it shittier yourself. Surround yourself with things that make you happy, whether that means leaving the fandom or what.
That being said, time for some flattery ;). You make me happy, vermy. day to day. If we are who we surround ourselves with, then I am very, very honored to call you a friend :)
*and blushes at your comment* ^.^
I've known some mighty toxic people, and honestly I'm glad I have stayed away from them. I didn't realize it at the time, but what I thought was them helping me be open more was actually making me weaker and worse. Since they've been gone, I've realized so much more, namely how to stand up for myself more when I'm being used. Looking back at them now, as well as the circle they are in, I realize how lucky I am that I got out of there in time. Even though badness, I can see so much good in everything I've learned and everyone who has stuck by me. And seeing the positive in furry, well, ANYTHING really, is the best way to get rid of the toxicity in everything. See the positive and not be toxic in the first place. :)
I have distanced myself as far from them as I can.
And I even worship SATAN!!!
But seriously. There are various reasons people are toxic. At the end of the day, you've to ask yourself if this is a "good" person, if there's something naturally good about them that can be fostered. There are some people with few redeeming qualities who genuinely like to troll and see others just as unsatisfied as they are. And those people, in my opinion, are the ones who are most toxic and not worth the effort. It's one thing to not want to change, it's another thing entirely when they want to remain.
Sadly, I've learned that it's more often than not inappropriate to explicitly help people too. We're all adults (for the most part) and few people like being talked down to much less people in a negative frame of mind. Often the best thing you can do is listen on occasion and try and set a good example. Hopefully they'll see that you don't have to be mean or bitchy or whiny to be content. And hopefully they're good enough people that empathy will kick in.
And I'm not just saying that 'cuz you're a fox!
I find it similar to the saying, "You are what you eat." If you eat a bunch of chocolate and greasy food, you will be chunky and so on. I think it's the same as who you choose to associate yourself with. It's fine to chat with those who disagree or have a different perspective than you but if 80% of your friends are neo-Nazis, don't be surprised if you find yourself reading Mein Kampf ^^;;
Really liked this journal buddy and I can happily say I'm so glad I have you as a friend cause your so full of positive energy! Wether your turning me into a disc or chasing me with clippers, it's always hilarious and light-hearted and I can honestly say you made my life more joyful and brighter since I've known you and other zany furs like you :3
But I will take your word for it but hey if this guy is going to do something stupid to me like ED does or did to me, this person will not receive any mercy.
I give you my respect.