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Head... Stop... Spinning...
14 years ago
*Stands up upon a golden podium with a mighty gavel and look down upon my subjects...*
Okay, I am now convinced that something is horribly wrong with me. This is freaking rediculous. Its all happening again! I have this thing about similarity. I suppose you can say I fucking hate it. Its the reason I cannot stop making new characters, thinking of new stories... and I realize its happening again!
I just made an although account for a project I want to follow up on (not even sure that's allowed) and now I'm not happy with Draca all of a sudden... I don't know what to do anymore! First shipping was all female and a charganium... then shipping turned Herm. Then I made a few more characters like Kite who I killed off... then I changed Draca into a wolf... why? Mostly because I like wolves but I now realize I like dragons more. If there was one thing I would want to be is a fucking dragon because they are amazing. Is my personality a dragons? Maybe? Maybe not? But am I a wolf either? God damn it why am I like this? I get something good, spend money on commissions, then I do this. I hate my head I really do.
Maybe my inability to stick with anything is because either I get bored too fast... or I just feel empty. Or maybe I get bored because I feel empty thus I try to fill the void with whatever. However I am still very much fur, its the first thing that has ever made me feel slightly less empty. But... maybe the emptiness is loneliness. Even at my college, there aren't many furs and those who are there have someone... true I have someone too but long distance and its killing me. I just want someone I can be with for real... someone I can hold onto and know that they want the same thing... I have to stay strong though... because normally I am the one comforting those in my position. But why must I who has lived my whole life for others be so alone and feeling so secluded and in the dark nomatter how many people I pull out of the same darkness. Its like I take it all on me somehow and socially I suffer. Sure I was an actor since I was 4 so putting on a happy face, giggling at a bad joke or pretending like nothing is wrong comes really easy for me...
Who the fuck is even still reading this? If you have read the whole thing so far write jingle in your response.
But... I don't know anymore. I'm so confused. Not sure who can help me, none of the people I hang with the most are furs... just normal people and one is a hardcore Christian Guy who I know just tolorates my decisions. I am so lost! I'm just going to go cry some. I guess I wouldn't have an issue with my characters if I could fucking draw... it sucks looking at my gallery and only seeing a few pics. I feel like I am unknown and watched just because I was linked in the original artists work or I watched them.
So yea... I suppose I am officially depressed... and pissed. I guess.
I just made an although account for a project I want to follow up on (not even sure that's allowed) and now I'm not happy with Draca all of a sudden... I don't know what to do anymore! First shipping was all female and a charganium... then shipping turned Herm. Then I made a few more characters like Kite who I killed off... then I changed Draca into a wolf... why? Mostly because I like wolves but I now realize I like dragons more. If there was one thing I would want to be is a fucking dragon because they are amazing. Is my personality a dragons? Maybe? Maybe not? But am I a wolf either? God damn it why am I like this? I get something good, spend money on commissions, then I do this. I hate my head I really do.
Maybe my inability to stick with anything is because either I get bored too fast... or I just feel empty. Or maybe I get bored because I feel empty thus I try to fill the void with whatever. However I am still very much fur, its the first thing that has ever made me feel slightly less empty. But... maybe the emptiness is loneliness. Even at my college, there aren't many furs and those who are there have someone... true I have someone too but long distance and its killing me. I just want someone I can be with for real... someone I can hold onto and know that they want the same thing... I have to stay strong though... because normally I am the one comforting those in my position. But why must I who has lived my whole life for others be so alone and feeling so secluded and in the dark nomatter how many people I pull out of the same darkness. Its like I take it all on me somehow and socially I suffer. Sure I was an actor since I was 4 so putting on a happy face, giggling at a bad joke or pretending like nothing is wrong comes really easy for me...
Who the fuck is even still reading this? If you have read the whole thing so far write jingle in your response.
But... I don't know anymore. I'm so confused. Not sure who can help me, none of the people I hang with the most are furs... just normal people and one is a hardcore Christian Guy who I know just tolorates my decisions. I am so lost! I'm just going to go cry some. I guess I wouldn't have an issue with my characters if I could fucking draw... it sucks looking at my gallery and only seeing a few pics. I feel like I am unknown and watched just because I was linked in the original artists work or I watched them.
So yea... I suppose I am officially depressed... and pissed. I guess.
On a more serious note, however, I'm not sure what I can say to help. I know I get bored and lonely way too easily too. I wish I could talk with you more. When I do see you around on MSN, I try to say hi, but that seems to be all I get a chance to say anymore...
um i'm really the same way, i bounced around a lot waaaaay back when, then i gave up for a while. Then i decided (on my most current char) that I was going to build from my self- literately my picture see what flowed best. And i have quite a few people agree that it does seem like me-, so idk i found it best to constantly ask others about their sonas and what makes them stick to them, as well as ask about my own sona see if they really saw me in it.