I can't put down everything he said, but here is his last comment.

"I wanted you to focus on one scene, and you have rushed an entire battle though a mere three pages. I admire the effort, but slow down and really paint the picture of this battle scene. How come only one character has a name? Keep working on this- - I look forward to reading more"

Talking afterward, he said he was reminded of Redwall ^w^ But also said a problem was that there were Wolves and Foxes. Both are dogs, so have a lot of the same characteristics. I realized that a little before, but went ahead with it anyway instead of making the foxes into cats. Also, my wording is off in a few places. A lot of this is because i didn't draft as well as i should have. There was no ink in my home, so i used that as an excuse not to try as hard as i should have. <i was gunna print it out>

He liked my first speech. I liked it too because it really set up Reynard as the leader/visionary type, made him an archetype character we already know. sadly, no one else had that. I told a lot about the alpha wolf, but didn't SHOW much. A phrase he often uses is "Show, don't tell." And the other characters were just place holders lol. I didn't even give the living fox a name. I'll find time to work on this, and definately improve. also, it won't just be three pages X3

And yes, I might make more of these journals about my stories X3 I really want you guys to critique all you want. I'll accept slight trolling even, as long as it actually outlines a problem in the story. I prefer constructive criticism, but if you don't feel like you want to put forth some effort, i'll accept the rant review lol. Just don't hurt my feelings too badly lol

CRITIQUE MY CRAP! I went into there all proud and then got surprised at the critiquing he gave. FAIL! X3 But thanks for making me feel better about writing, i am thankful for that =3 You have been unfailed, congradulations <3

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I posted this on a college bulletin board =3 I got it from <giggles, is a sillyret>