I have been meaning to write this for a few days now and shockingly it hasn't left me. This is not a life update but me trying to get my mixed up thoughts on pixels, screw paper.

I don't know where to start so I'll just start wherever I please wether anyone reading this (if any) understand or not.

I've come to terms with the fact that I am an artist. Why do I say come to terms you might ask? Because in reality I have no skills that can really be used as an outward expression of the things that I feel in my heart, head, and fingertips that continue to swell. I have the opposite of writer's block. I have INUMERABLE creative ideas. So many I could never write them all down and I doubt I could ever run out as I've sat on them for my entire life. However I have no way to express them.

I have found solice in self expression in the simple manner of hwow I act or by doing things. However some of these things may seem abnormal and cause others to look at me strangely however I have to do something or my head will explode. I have to drill a theoretical hole in my head to let out the pressure.

Do I have a plan like always to release this? Not at all. It's a most perplexing issue.

This creative overload sometimes causes me to seem like an eccentric which may or may not be true, to be honest I had never heard the word until I met "iconsultry" and I generally try and act normal as with being transgender I don't want to set a bad example for other trans people. However at the same time do I really want to live my life to conform in this very strange place. People love people for who they are so why do I hold back.

It's because people hold back who they are that prejudice exists and why things are "taboo" If more people stopped fearing what others would think and were themselves they would find their quality of life improve. I know since transitioning my quality of life has easily gotten 10X better. Now time to see if we can add a 2x multiplier to it.

What do I mean? I don't really know i don't franklly have words for it and this writing could just be me trying to drain the pressure that is ever building inside of me longing for an outlet. I suppose when I think of it my only other goal besides transitioning and finding love has always been my neverending quest to find an outlet for all that goes onin my head. Thus far I have been unsuccesfull. Merely draining it marginally with haiku or meaningless poetry.

We will see what comes of this. but for now I have to go and wait for "iconsultry" to log online as I am missing her a fair bit right now

There is so much more to this but I cannot put 45% of it into words.

Taataa